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When Calvin Coolidge was President of the United States, he saw dozens of people each day. Most had complaints of one kind or another. One day a visiting Governor told the President that he did not understand how he was able to meet so many people in the space of a few hours. “Why, you are finished with all your visitors by dinner time,” said the Governor, “while I am often in my office till midnight.” “Yes,” said Coolidge. “That’s because you talk.” 🙂

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1 day ago

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2 days ago

RELATIONSHIPS Dialogue is the life-blood of a relationship. But the obstacles to dialogue are many- alas, and those who surmount them, few. Much is accomplished if, in the first place, we talk less and listen more... President Theodore Roosevelt had a passion for big-game hunting. When he heard that a famous British hunter was visiting the States he invited the man to the White House in the hope of getting some pointers from him. After a two-hour meeting at which the two of them were closeted

A reporter was sent out to get the opinion of the man in the street about modern woman. The first person he ran into was a man who had just celebrated his one-hundred-and-third birthday. “I’m afraid I won’t be of much help to you, son,” said the old man regretfully. “I quit thinking about women nearly two years ago!” 🙂

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3 days ago

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4 days ago

Two little boys met. “How old are you?” “I’m five. How old are you?” “I don’t know.” “You don’t know how old you are?” “Nope.” “Do women bother you?” “Nope.” “You’re four.” 🙂

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5 days ago

A fellow went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed as a workaholic. So he had to take a second job to pay for the therapy. 🙂

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6 days ago

...or intensify it.” Doctor to patient: “I’ve been treating you for guilt for the past ten years, and you are still feeling guilty about a trifle like that? You ought to feel ashamed of yourself!” 🙂

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...I can only exchange it for another... Soon after World War II a London bus conductor noticed a passenger with a heavy parcel on his lap. “What’s that you have there?” he asked. “An unexploded bomb that fell near my house. I’m taking it to the police station.” “Good God! You don’t want to carry a thing like that on your lap man! Put it under your seal!” (The solution to a problem, changes the problem.) 🙂

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The chief executive of a large company was greatly admired for his energy and drive. But he suffered from one embarrassing weakness: each time he entered the president’s office to make his weekly report, he would wet his pants! The kindly president advised him to see a proctologist. When he appeared before the president the following week his pants were still wet! “Didn’t you see the proctologist?” asked the president. “No. He was out. I saw a psychologist instead. I’m cured. I no longer feel em

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The captain of a submarine, desiring to test his engine room, asked for top speed, then suddenly ordered an emergency stop. His orders were instantly obeyed. The public address system was turned on. “This is the captain speaking. Well done, engine room. You stopped the sub in exactly 55.05 seconds.” Soon another voice boomed, “This is the chef. The sub may have stopped, but your steak and potatoes kept going. Cold dinner for everyone tonight!” 🙂

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...of their achievements! A missionary, somewhere in the tropics, decided to impress his parishioners by taking some of them for a ride in a plane. The plane glided over their villages and hills and forests and rivers. Occasionally they would look out of their windows but on the whole they did not seem to be one bit impressed. Back on the ground his flock trooped out of the plane without a word of comment. Anxious to get some response, the missionary exclaimed, “Wasn’t it wonderful? Think of wh

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...and how proud they feel-generally for the wrong reasons -... Friends of composer, George Gershwin, attempted to convey to his father the fact that “Rhapsody in Blue” was a work of genius. “Of course, it is,” said the old man. “It takes fifteen minutes to perform, doesn’t it?” 🙂

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A former inmate of a Nazi concentration camp was visiting a friend who had shared the ordeal with him. “Have you forgiven the Nazis?” he asked his friend. “Yes.” “Well, I haven’t. I’m still consumed with hatred for them.” “In that case,” said his friend gently, “they still have you in prison.” ...(our enemies are not those who hate us but those whom we hate),.. 🙂

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The man was a regular customer and the management did its best to please him. So when he complained one day that only one piece of bread was being given him with his meal, the waiter promptly brought him four slices. “That’s good,” he said, “but not good enough. I like bread-plenty of it.” So the next night he was given a dozen slices, “Good,” he said. “But you’re still being frugal, aren’t you?” Even a basketful of slices on the table next day did not stop his complaints. So the manager decided

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...and their emotions... A passenger on a train was giving the dining car waiter his order. “For dessert,” he said, “I’ll have tarts and ice-cream.” The waiter said they had no tarts. The man exploded. “What? No tarts? That’s absurd. I am one of the biggest customers this rail board has. Each year I organize trips for thousands of tourists and I have hundred of tons of freight transported on it. And when I myself travel on the line I cannot get a simple thing like tarts! ‘I’ll take this up with

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A man in Russia took his wife with him into the forest, supposedly to hunt for wolves. But when the wolves came, he ran away and abandoned her to them. The next morning he put a wreath on his door and went into mourning-but not for long, because he had a lover whom he married six months later. The night of the wedding his former wife appeared to him at night crying, “Help! Help! Help!” To his amazement, his new wife saw and heard nothing. Each night the woman would return and scream for help, ti

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It is just as astonishing to see the use they make of their imagination..,.. “If you ever marry or take a mistress after I am gone I shall return to haunt you,” said a dying woman to her husband. So when he fell in love again some months after his wife’s death he was horrified, but not surprised, to see her ghost walk into the house that night and accuse him bitterly of infidelity. This went on night after night till he could take it no more and went to consult a Zen Master who said, “What make

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When a man returned from the large city to the ‘village of his boyhood years, one of the neighbours said to him, “I suppose you know that old farmer Smith lost his farm?” “No. What happened?” “Well, one day he got the idea that his neighbour’s fence was five feet into his land. He took to brooding over it. Finally he went to see a lawyer telling him he thought this was encroachment. Well, the lawyer thought so too!” Voltaire says, “I have never been ruined out but twice: once when I lost a laws

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Two prospective buyers walked into a used-car lot and began to look around- The attendant began his sales talk when one of them produced a card which said, “Sorry, we’re deaf-mutes.” So the salesman pulled out a pad and began to jot down, for their benefit, all the advantages of any car they showed interest in. They finally settled on a neat little Volkswagen. They took it round the block on a trial run and seemed so pleased that the sale was as good as made. But when they got back to the lot, t

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A couple were wondering how to dispose of five attractive puppies they had just acquired. The man drove all around town attempting to give them away but no one would have them. They announced over the local radio that they had pedigree puppies to give away. No one seemed interested. Finally a neighbour advised them to advertise. They went back to announce on the radio that they would sell the pups at twenty-five dollars each. Before the day was out every one of the puppies had been sold! 🙂

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A man in Las Vegas approached a wealthy-looking stranger and said. “Can you spare me twenty-five dollars, sir? I haven’t eaten for two days and I have no place to sleep.” “How do I know you won’t take the money and gamble with it?” “No way,” said the man. “Gambling money I already have with me.” 🙂

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A man at a bar turned to the stranger sitting next to him and said, “I just don’t understand it. All it takes is one little drink, just one little drink to make me drunk. “Really? Just one?” ‘Yes. And it is generally the eighth-one. 🙂

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A reporter asked several people in a small town if they knew the mayor. “He’s a liar and a cheat,” said the gas station attendant. “He’s a pompous ass,” said the schoolteacher. “Never voted for him in my life,” said the druggist. “Most corrupt politician I’ve ever known,” said the barber. When the reporter finally met the mayor he asked him what kind of salary he received. “Good heavens, I don’t get any salary,” said the mayor. “Then why did you take the job?” “For the honour.” 🙂

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They pride themselves on their reasonableness - which they then proceed to demonstrate in astonishing ways: A Governor was visiting a state penitentiary and talking to a tramp who had asked for a pardon. “What’s the matter with this place? You’re more comfortably lodged here than you have ever been, aren’t you?” “Yes sir,” was the reply. “But I still want to gel out.” “Don’t they feed you well?” “They certainly do. That isn’t it.’ “Then what is it?” “Well, sir, there’s only one objection I have

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...well, sometimes, anyway. A man said to his parish priest, “My dog died yesterday, Father. Could you offer a Mass for the repose of his soul?” The priest was outraged. “We don’t offer Masses for animals here,” he said sharply. “You might try the new denomination down the road. They’ll probably pray for your dog.” “I really loved that little fellow,” said the man. “And I’d like to give him a decent send-off. I don’t know what it is customary to offer on such occasions, but do you think five h

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A Russian Workers Delegation was visiting a factory in Detroit. The leader asked the foreman how many hours an American worker worked each week. “Forty,” said the foreman. The Russian shook his head. “In my country,” he said, “the average worker works sixty hours a week.” “Sixty hours?” exclaimed the foreman. “You’d never get the men in this factory to work that much. They’re a bunch of Commies!” 🙂

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..or labels... Issac Goldstein ran into a cousin of his in New York. “How are things with you?” he asked. “Haven’t you heard?” asked the cousin. “I’m a partner in the firm of Goldstein and Murphy.” “Goldstein and Murphy? Now isn’t that wonderful! That’s what America is all about: people of different nationalities doing business in partnership. But to you I’ll confess it is something of a surprise.” “You call that a surprise? Well, I’ve got a bigger surprise for you. I’m Murphy!” 🙂

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4 weeks ago

A little black boy was watching the balloon man at the Country Fair. The man was evidently a good salesman, because he allowed a red balloon to break loose and soar high up in the air, thereby attracting a crowd of prospective young customers. Then he released a blue balloon, then a yellow one and a white one. They all went soaring up into the sky until they disappeared. The little black boy stood looking at the black balloon for a long time, then asked, “Sir, it you sent the black one up would

...or appearances... A little girl, who had been told that Lincoln wasn’t very good-looking, was taken by her father to see the President at the White House. Lincoln took her on his knee and chatted with her for a while in his gentle, humorous way. Suddenly the little girl called out, “Daddy! He isn’t ugly at all. He’s just beautiful!” 🙂👇

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4 weeks ago

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.....or rigid principles... Two game-hunters were involved in a lawsuit against each other. One of them asked his lawyer if it wouldn’t be a good idea to send the judge a brace of partridges. The lawyer was horrified. “This judge prides himself on his incorruptibility,” he said. “A gesture like this will have just the opposite effect from the one you intend.” After the case was over-and won-the man invited his lawyer to dinner and thanked him for the advice concerning the partridges. “I did sen

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Instead of touching reality they respond to stereotypes... At the final dinner of an international conference, an American delegate turned to the Chinese delegate sitting next to him pointed to the soup and asked, somewhat condescendingly, “Likee soupee?” The Chinese gentleman nodded eagerly. A little later, it was, “Likee fishee” and “Likee meatee’ and “Likee fruitee”-and always the response was an affable nod. At the end of the dinner the chairman of the conference introduced the guest speake

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...and programmed responses. A scientist had spent ten years researching the possibility of transforming water into petroleum. He was convinced that all he needed was one substance to effect the needed transformation but, try as he might, the formula eluded him. One day he learnt that high up in the mountains of Tibet there lived a Lama who was all-knowing and could reveal to him the formula he sought, There were three conditions, however: he had to travel there alone, and the journey was hazar

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Examine what they are pleased to call their free and responsible behaviour, and you are likely to find, not conscious action, but mechanical movement... It is said that when the Great Library of Alexandria was burnt down, only one book survived. It was a very ordinary book, dull and uninteresting so it was sold for a few pennies to a poor man who barely knew how to read. Now that book, dull and uninteresting as it seemed, was probably the most valuable book in the world for on the inside of the

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A young man blind from birth, fell in love with a girl. All went well until a friend told him the girl wasn’t too good looking. At that minute he lost all interest in her. Too bad! He had been “seeing” her very well. It was his friend who was blind! 🙂

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What they love or hate is not the essence of things or persons but only their configuration. A young boy developed what could only be called a sandwich phobia. Any time he saw a sandwich he would tremble and scream with fear. His mother was so upset about this, she took him to a therapist who said, “The phobia is easily removed. Take the lad home and let him see you make a sandwich from beginning to end. This will dispel any silly notions he has about a sandwich and he’ll stop trembling and scr

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Two gentlemen of unsteady gait waited impatiently at the bus terminal late at night long after the buses had ceased to ply. A couple of hours passed before they realised, in their drunken stupor that the last bus had gone. Seeing several buses parked at the depot, they decided to borrow one and drive themselves home. To their disappointment, they couldn’t find the bus they wanted. “Can you believe it?” said one. “A hundred buses and not a single number 36 in the whole lot!” “Never mind!” said th

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The walls that imprison them are mental, not real. A bear paced up and down the twenty feet that was the length of his cage. When, after five years, the cage was removed, the bear continued to pace up and down those twenty feet as if the cage was there. It was. For him! 🙂

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Their culture and their conditioning offer them an “elevator existence.” The impatient dowager pressed the elevator button and fumed because it did not appear at once. When it finally did, she snapped at the operator, “Where have you been?” “Lady, where can you go in an elevator?” 🙂

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They see, not what is there but what they have been trained to see. Tommy had just got back from the beach. “Were there other children there?” asked his mother. “Yes,” said Tommy. “Boys or girls?” “How could I know? They didn’t have any clothes on.” 🙂

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Pestilence was on its way to Damascus and sped by a chief’s caravan in the desert. “Where are you speeding to?” asked the chief. “To Damascus. I mean to take a thousand lives.” On its way back from Damascus, Pestilence passed by the caravan again. The chief said, “It was 50,000 lives that you took, not a 1,000.” “No,” said the Pestilence. “I took a thousand. It was Fear that took the rest.” 🙂

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HUMAN NATURE Human beings react, not to reality, but to ideas in their heads... A group of tourists, stranded somewhere in the countryside, were given old rations to eat. Before eating the food they tested it by throwing some of it to a dog who seemed to enjoy it and suffered no after effects. The following day they learnt that the dog had died. Everyone was panic-stricken. Many began to vomit and complained of fever and dysentery. A doctor was called in to treat the victims for food poisonin

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There was once a very austere man who let no food or drink pass his lips while the sun was in the heavens. In what seemed to be a sign of heavenly approval for his austerities a bright star shone on top of a nearby mountain, visible to everyone in broad daylight, though no one knew what brought the star there. One day the man decided to climb the mountain. A little village girl insisted on going with him. The day was warm and soon the two were thirsty. He urged the child to drink but she said sh

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When Buddha first embarked upon his spiritual quest he practised many austerities. One day two musicians happened to pass by the tree under which he was sitting in meditation. One was saying to the other, “Do not tighten the strings of your sitar too much or they will snap. Do not keep them too loose either or they will produce no music. Keep to the middle path.” Those words hit Buddha with such force that they revolutionized his whole approach to spirituality. He was convinced they had been sai

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The devotee knelt to be initiated into discipleship. The guru whispered the sacred mantra into his ear, warning him not to reveal it to anyone. “What will happen if I do?” asked the devotee. Said the guru, “Anyone you reveal the mantra to will be liberated from the bondage of ignorance and suffering, but you yourself will be excluded from discipleship and suffer damnation.” No sooner had he heard those words than the devotee rushed to the marketplace, collected a large crowd around him and repea

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An old woman in China supported a monk for more than twenty years. She built him a little hut and fed him while he spent all his time in meditation. At the end of this period she wondered what progress the man had made, she decided to put him to the test by enlisting the help of a girl aflame with desire. “Go into the hut,” she told the girl,” and embrace him. Then say, ‘What shall we do now?’” The girl called on the monk at night to find him at his meditation. Without further ado she began to c

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Disciple: “What is the Tao?” Master: “Everything is Tao.” Disciple: “How can I get it?” Master: “If you try to get it, you will miss it.” No one is ever natural who tries to be natural; or tries not to try!

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An American preacher in Beijing asked the waiter in a restaurant what Religion was for the Chinese. The waiter took him out to the balcony and asked, “What do you see, sir?” “I see a street and houses and people walking and buses and taxis plying.” “What else?” “Trees.” “What else?” “The wind is blowing.” The Chinese extended his arms and exclaimed, “That is Religion, sir!” . You’re searching for it the way someone searches for sight with open eyes! It Is too clear that it is hard to see. 🙂

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A young man came to a Master and asked, “How long is it likely to take me to attain enlightenment?” Said the Master. “Ten years.” The young man was shocked. “So long?” he asked incredulously. Said the Master, “No, that was a mistake. It will take you twenty years.” The young man asked, “Why did you double the figure?” Said the Master, “Come to think of it, in your case it will probably be thirty.” Some people will never learn anything because they grasp everything too soon. Wisdom, after all, i

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A young business executive phoned his foreign representative one day and tersely announced: “I am calling to give, instructions. This call will last no more than three minutes. I shall speak and you are not to interrupt. Any comments or queries you have are to be cabled to me later.” With that he went on to deliver his message. His delivery was so rapid that he finished a little ahead of time. “We have twenty seconds left,” he told the man at the other end. “Have you anything to say?” “Yes,” cam

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A visitor to an insane asylum found one of the inmates rocking back and forth in a chair cooing repeatedly in a soft, contented manner, “Lulu, Lulu...” “What’s this man’s problem?” he asked the doctor. “Lulu. She was the woman who jilted him,” was the doctor’s reply. As they proceeded on the tour they came to a padded cell whose occupant was banging his head repeatedly against the wall and moaning, “Lulu, Lulu...” “Is Lulu this man’s problem too?” asked the visitor. “Yes,” said the doctor. “He’s

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Buddha was once threatened with death by a bandit called Angulimal. “Then be good enough to fulfil my dying wish,” said Buddha- “Cut off the branch of that tree-” One slash of the sword, and it was done! “What now?” asked the bandit. “Put it back again,” said Buddha. The bandit laughed. “You must be crazy to think that anyone can do that.” “On the contrary, it is you who are crazy to think that you are mighty because you can wound and destroy. That is the task of children. The mighty know how to

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One day Hasan of Basra saw Rabi’a al Adawiya near the riverside. Casting his prayer mat on the water he stepped on to it and said, “O Rabi’a, come let us pray together.” Rabi’a said, “O Hasan, why have you set yourself up like a salesman in the bazaar of this world? You do this because of your weakness.” With that she threw her prayer mat into the air, flew up on to it and said, “Come up here, Hasan, so that people may see us,” But that was more than Hasan could accomplish, so he was silent. Rab

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Two inmates of a deaf-and-dumb institution had a quarrel. When an official came to straighten things out between them he found one of the men standing with his back to the other, shaking with laughter. “What’s the joke? Why is your partner here looking so angry?” the official asked, speaking with his fingers. “Because,” the mute replied, also with the fingers, “he wants to swear at me but I refuse to look!” 🙂

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Buddha seemed quite unruffled by the insults hurled at him by a visitor. When his disciples later asked him what the secret of his serenity was, he said: “Imagine what would happen if someone placed an offering before you and you did not pick it up. Or someone sent you a letter that you refused to open; you would be unaffected by its contents, would you not? Do this each time you are abused and you will not lose your serenity.” The only kind of dignity which is genuine is that which is not dimi

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A man and his wife went to visit friends in another part of the country and were taken to a racecourse. Fascinated by the sight of horses chasing one another round a track, the two of them kept betting all evening till they had no more than two dollars left. The following day the man prevailed upon his wife to let him go to the course alone. There was a horse with a fifty-to-one odds on it in the first race. He bet on the horse and it won. He put all the money he won on another long shot in the

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King Pyrrhus of Epirus was approached by his friend Cyneas and asked, “If you conquer Rome, what will you do next, sir?” Pyrrhus replied. “Sicily is next door and will be easy to take.” “And what shall we do after Sicily is taken?” “Then we will move over to Africa and sack Carthage.’ “And after Carthage, sir?” “The turn of Greece will come. “And what, may I ask, will the fruit of all these conquests be?” “Then,” said Pyrrhus, “we can sit down and enjoy ourselves.” “Can we not,” said Cyneas, “en

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A Quaker had this sign put up on a vacant piece of land next to his home: THIS LAND WILL BE GIVEN TO ANYONE WHO IS TRULY SATISFIED. A wealthy farmer who was riding by stopped to read the sign and said to himself, “Since our friend the Quaker is so ready to part with this plot I might as well claim it before someone else does, I am a rich man and have all I need, so I certainly qualify.” With that he went up to the door and explained what he was there for. “And is thee truly satisfied?” the Quake

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One of Junaid’s followers came to him with a purse full of gold coins. “Have you any more gold coins?” asked Junaid. “Yes, many more.” ‘And you are attached to them?” ‘’I am.” “Then you must keep this too, for your need is greater than mine. Since I have nothing and desire nothing I am much wealthier than you are, you see.” The heart of the enlightened is like a mirror: It grasps nothing, refuses nothing; it receives but does not keep. 🙂

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The great Buddhist saint Nagarjuna moved around naked except for a loin-cloth and, incongruously, a golden begging-bowl gifted to him by the king who was his disciple. One night he was about to lie down to sleep among the ruins of an ancient monastery when he noticed a thief lurking behind one of the columns. “Here, take this,” said Nagarjuna, holding out the begging bowl. “That way you won’t disturb me once I have fallen asleep.” The thief eagerly grabbed the bowl and made off - only to return

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A monkey and a hyena were walking through the forest when the hyena said, “Each time I pass by those bushes there a lion jumps out of them and mauls me. I don’t know why.” “I’ll walk with you this time,” said the monkey, “and side with you against the lion.” So they started to walk past the bushes when the lion pounced on the hyena and nearly mauled it to death. Meanwhile the monkey watched the proceedings from the safety of a tree that he had run up the moment the lion had appeared. “Why didn’t

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When Buddha entered the capital of King Pransanjit, the King in person came out to him. He had been a friend of Buddha’s father and had heard of the lad’s renunciation. So he attempted to persuade Buddha to give up his life as a wandering beggar and return to the palace, thinking he was doing a service to his old friend. Buddha looked into the eyes of Prasanjit and said, “Answer me truthfully. For all your outer merriment, has your kingdom brought you a single day of happiness?” Prasanjit lowere

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The guru sat in meditation on the river bank when a disciple bent down to place two enormous pearls at his feet, a token of reverence and devotion. The guru opened his eyes, lifted one of the pearls and held it so carelessly that it slipped out of his hand and rolled down the bank into the river. The horrified disciple plunged in after it but, though he dived in again and again till late evening, he had no luck. Finally, all wet and exhausted, he roused the guru from his meditation: “You saw whe

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People have been known to make a rich life for themselves and others with very few possessions. There was a group of elderly gentlemen in Japan who would meet to exchange news and drink tea. One of their diversions was to search for costly varieties of tea and create new blends that would delight the palate. When it was the turn of the oldest member of the group to entertain the others, he served tea with the greatest ceremony, measuring out the leaves from a golden container. Everyone had the h

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True philosopher that he was, Socrates believed that the wise person would instinctively lead a frugal life. He himself would not even wear shoes; yet he constantly fell under the spell of the marketplace and would go there often to look at all the wares on display. When one of his friends asked why, Socrates said, “I love to go there and discover how many things I am perfectly happy without.” Spirituality is not knowing what you want but understanding what you do not need. 🙂

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A rich Muslim went to the mosque after a party and had to take off his expensive shoes and leave them outside the mosque. When he came out after prayer the shoes were gone. “How thoughtless of me,” he said to himself. “By foolishly leaving those shoes here I was the occasion for someone to steal them. I would have gladly given them to him. Now I am responsible for creating a thief.” 🙂

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There was an old Zen Master called Nonoko who lived alone in a hut at the foot of a mountain. One night while Nonoko was sitting in meditation a stranger broke into the hut and, brandishing a sword, demanded Nonoko’s money. Nonoko did not interrupt his meditation while he addressed the man: “All my money is in a bowl on the shelf up there. Take all you need, but leave me five yen. I have to pay my taxes, next week.” The stranger emptied the bowl of all the money it held and threw five yen back i

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Here is a story a Master told his disciples to show what damage a single trifling attachment can do to those who have become rich in spiritual gifts: A villager was once riding past a cave in a mountain at the precise moment when it made one of its rare magical appearances to all who wished to enrich themselves from its treasures. He marched into the cave and found whole mountains of jewels and precious stones that he hurriedly stuffed into the saddlebags of his mule, for he knew the legend acco

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And Buddha said: “This land is mine, these sons are mine,”-such are the words of the fool who does not understand that even he is not his. You never really possess things, You merely hold them for a while. If you are unable to give them away you are held by them. Whatever you treasure must be held in the hollow of your hand as water is held. Clutch at it and it is gone. Appropriate it to yourself and you soil it. Set it free and it is forever yours. 🙂

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The Indian mystic Ramakrishna used to say: God laughs on two occasions. He laughs when he hears a physician say to a mother, “Don’t be afraid, I shall cure the boy.” God says to himself, “I am planning to take the life of the child and this man thinks he can save it!” He also laughs when he sees two brothers divide their land by means of a boundary line saying, “This side belongs to me and the other side to you.” He says to himself, “The universe belongs to me and they claim to own portions of i

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@petergec

A miser had accumulated five hundred thousand dinars and looked forward to a year of pleasant living before he made up his mind how best to invest his money, when suddenly the Angel of Death appeared before him to take his life away. The man begged and pleaded and used a thousand arguments to be allowed to live a little longer, but the Angel was obdurate. “Give me three days of life and I shall give you half my fortune,” the man pleaded. The Angel wouldn’t hear of it and began to tug at him, “Gi

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@petergec

A Sufi of forbidding appearance arrived at the doors of the palace. No one dared to stop him as he made his way right up to the throne on which the saintly Ibrahim ben Adam sat. “What is it you want?” asked the king. “A place to sleep in this caravan serai.” “This is no caravanserai. This is my palace. “May I ask who owned this place before you?” “My father. He is dead.” “And who owned it before him?” “My grandfather. He is dead too.” “And this place where people lodge for a brief while and mov

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@petergec

Two jewel merchants arrived at a caravan sarai in the desert at about the same time one night. Each was quite conscious of the other’s presence and, while unloading his camel, one of them could not resist the temptation to let a large pearl fall to the ground as if by accident. It rolled in the direction of the other who, with affected graciousness, picked it up and returned it to its owner saying, “That is a fine pearl you have there, sir. As large and lustrous as they come.” “How gracious of y

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@petergec

A reporter was attempting to get an interesting story out of a very, very old man in a government-run home for the aged. “Grandpa,” said the young reporter, “how would you feel if you suddenly got a letter telling you that a distant relative had left you ten million dollars?” “Son,” said the old man slowly, “I would still be ninety-five years old, wouldn’t I?” 🙂

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@petergec

A miser hid his gold at the foot of a tree in his garden. Every week he would dig it up and look at it for hours. One day a thief dug up the gold and made off with it. When the miser next came to gaze upon his treasure all he found was an empty hole. The man began to howl with grief so his neighbours came running to find out what the trouble was. When they found out one of them asked, “Did you use any of the gold?” “No.” said the miser. “I only looked at it every week.” “Well, then.” said the ne

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@petergec

Sudha Chandran, a contemporary classical Indian dancer, was cut off in the prime of her dancing career-quite literally, for her right leg had to be amputated. After she had been fitted with an artificial leg she went back to dancing arid, incredibly, made it right back to the top again. When asked how she had managed it, she said, quite simply, “You don’t need feet to dance.” 🙂

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@petergec

The Buddhist nun called Ryonen was born in the year 1779. The famous Japanese warrior, Shingen, was her grandfather. She was considered one of the loveliest women in the whole of Japan and a poetess of no mean talent, so already at the age of seventeen she was chosen to serve at the royal court where she developed a great fondness for Her Imperial Majesty the Empress. Now the Empress died a sudden death and Ryonen underwent a profound spiritual experience: she became acutely aware of the passing

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@petergec

A priest walked into a pub indignant to find so many of his parishioners there. He rounded them up and shepherded them into the church. Then he solemnly said. “All those who want to go to heaven, step over here to the left.” Everyone stepped over except one man who stubbornly stood his ground. The priest looked at him fiercely and said. “Don’t you want to go to heaven?” “No.” said the man. “Do you mean to stand there and tell me you don’t want to go to heaven when you die?” “Of course I want to

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@petergec

...for the one essential is lacking. According to an ancient Indian fable a mouse was in constant distress because of its fear of the cat. A magician took pity on it and turned it into a cat. But then it became afraid of the dog. So the magician turned it into a dog. Then it began to fear the panther. So the magician turned it into a panther. Whereupon it was full of fear of the hunter. At this point the magician gave up. He turned it into a mouse again saying. “Nothing I do for you is going to

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@petergec

A man was so enamoured of fame he was ready to hang on a gibbet if that would get his name in the headlines. Is there really any difference between him and most business people and politicians? (Not to mention the rest of us who set such store by public opinion). 🙂

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@petergec

Have you heard of the man who accompanied Christopher Columbus on his expedition to the New World and kept worrying the whole time that he might not get back in time to succeed the old village tailor and someone eke might snatch the job? To succeed in the adventure called spirituality one must have one’s mind set on getting the most out of life. Most people settle for trifles like wealth, fame, comfort and human company. 🙂

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@petergec

In a little frontier town there was an old man who lived in the same house for fifty years. One day he surprised everyone by moving into the house next door. Reporters from the local papers descended on him to ask him why he had moved. “I guess it was the gypsy in me,” he replied with a self satisfied smile. 🙂

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@petergec

After thirty years of watching television, a husband said to his wife, “Let’s do something really-exciting tonight.” Instantly she conjured up visions of a night in town. “Great!” she said, “What shall we do?” “Well, let’s exchange chairs.” 🙂

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@petergec

...impostors many... A couple on their honeymoon were about to get into bed at their hotel when a masked burglar broke in. He drew a chalk circle on the floor, beckoned to the hus- band and said, “Stand there in that circle. If you step out of it I shall shoot you through the head.” While the husband stood there bolt upright, the burglar took everything he could lay his hands on threw it all into the sack and was about to get away when he saw the pretty bride covered in nothing more than a shee

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@petergec

...true seekers are rare... When the king visited the monasteries of the great Zen Master Lin Chi he was astonished to learn that there were more than ten thousand monks living there with him. Wanting to know the exact number of the monks the king asked. “How many disciples do you have?” Lin Chi replied. “Four or Five at the very most.” 🙂

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SPIRITUALITY Given the nature of the spiritual quest... A man came upon a tall tower and stepped inside to find it all dark. As he groped around he came upon a circular staircase. Curious to know where it led to he began to climb and, as he climbed, he sensed a growing uneasiness in his heart. So he looked behind him and was horrified to see that each time he climbed a step, the previous one fell off and disappeared. Before him the stairs wound upward and he had no idea where they led; behind

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@petergec

In the old days it was common for people to use paper lanterns in Japan. The paper shielded a lit candle and was held together by bamboo sticks. A blind man happened to be visiting a friend and since it was late, was offered a lantern to take home with him. He laughed at the suggestion. “Day and night are all one to me,” he said. “What would I do with a lantern?” His friend said, “You do not need it to find your way home, true. But it might help to prevent someone from running into you in the da

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@petergec

While the wheelwright was making a wheel at the lower end of the hall Prince Huan of Ch’i was reading a book at the upper end. Putting aside his chisel and mallet the wheelwright called to the Prince and asked him what book he was reading. “One that preserves the words of the Sages,” said the Prince. “Are those Sages alive?” asked the wheelwright. “Oh. no.” said the Prince “they are all dead.” “Then what you are reading can be nothing but the dirt and scum of bygone people,” said the wheelwrigh

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@petergec

When an accident deprived the village headman of the use of his legs, he took to walking on crutches. He gradually developed the ability to move with speed-even to dance and execute little pirouettes for the entertainment of his neighbours. Then he took it into his head to train his children in the use of crutches. It soon became a status symbol in the village to walk on crutches and before long everyone was doing so. By the fourth generation no one in the village could walk without crutches. Th

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@petergec

A disciple once said to Confucius, “What are the basic ingredients of good government?” He answered, “Food, weapons and the trust of the people.” “But,” continued the disciple, if you were forced to dispense with one of these three, which would you drop?” “Weapons.” “And if you had to drop one of the other two?” “Food.” “But without food the people will die!” “From time immemorial, death has been the lot of human beings. But a people that no longer trusts its rulers is lost indeed.”

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@petergec

A group of college students was dissatisfied with the poor quality of the beer that the cafeteria served them. Some of them got the bright idea of pouring some in a bottle and sending it to a hospital laboratory in the hope of finding out what was in the beer. The following day they received a note that said, “Your horse is suffering from jaundice.”

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@petergec

The dangers of trusting the expert: A man received a note from a friend written in an illegible hand. After struggling to make sense out of it he finally hit upon the idea of enlisting the help of the local druggist. The man at the drug store looked hard at the note for a whole minute, then took a large brown bottle from the shelf, placed it on the counter and said, “That will be two dollars, please!” 🙂

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@petergec

A great painter asked a doctor friend to come and look at what he thought was his finest creation. The doctor subjected the painting to a thorough examination, taking his time over every detail. Ten minutes passed and the artist became somewhat apprehensive. “Well, what do you think?” he asked. The doctor said, “It appears to be double pneumonia.”

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@petergec

A centipede consulted an owl about the pain it felt in its legs. Said the owl, “You have far too many legs! If you became a mouse you would have only four legs-and one-twenty-fourth the amount of pain.” “That’s a very good idea,” said the centipede. “Now show me how to become a mouse.” “Don’t bother me with details of implementation,” said the owl. “I only make the policy in this place.”

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@petergec

Somewhere in the 1930s a manufacturing concern in the U.S. sent a machine to Japan. A month later the company received a cable: MACHINE DOES NOT WORK. SEND MAN TO FIX. The company sent someone to Japan. Before he had the opportunity to examine the machine, the company received a second cable: MAN TOO YOUNG, SEND OLDER MAN. The company’s reply was: BETTER USE HIM. HE INVENTED MACHINE. 🙂

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@petergec

A large truck was moving through a railway underpass when it got wedged in between the road and the girders overhead. All the efforts of experts to extricate it proved useless and traffic was stalled for miles on both sides of the underpass. A little boy kept trying to get the attention of the foreman but was always pushed away. Finally, in sheer exasperation, the foreman said, “I suppose you’ve come to tell us how to do this job?” “Yes,” said the kid. “I suggest you let some air out of the tyre

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@petergec

A woman once came to Rabbi Israel and told him her secret sorrow; she had been married twenty years and had still not borne a son. “What a coincidence!” said the Rabbi. “It was exactly thus with my mother.” And this is the story he told her: For twenty years his mother had no child. One day she heard that the holy Bal Shem Tov was in town so she hurried to the house he was in and begged him to pray that she might have a son. “What are you willing to do about it?” the holy man asked. “What can I

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@petergec

There was once a Rabbi who was revered by the people as a man of God. Not a day went by when a crowd of people wasn’t standing at his door seeking advice or healing or the holy man’s blessing. And each time the Rabbi spoke the people would hang on his lips, drinking in his every word. There was, however, in the audience a disagreeable fellow who never missed a chance to contradict the Master. He would observe the Rabbi’s weaknesses and make fun of his defects to the dismay of the disciples who b

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@petergec

A recruit was assigned to guard the entrance to the army camp and was given instructions to let no car pass if it did not have a special pennant. He had occasion to stop a car bearing a General who promptly told his driver to disregard the sentry and drive on. Whereupon the recruit stepped forward, rifle at the ready, and calmly said, “Pardon me, sir, but I’m new to this. Whom do I shoot? You, sir, or the driver?” You achieve greatness when you are oblivious of the dignify of those above you, a

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@petergec

To please an official Abraham Lincoln once signed an order transferring certain regiments. Secretary of War Stanton, convinced that the President had made a serious mistake, refused to carry out the order. And for good measure he added “Lincoln is a fool!” When this was reported to Lincoln he said, “If Stanton said I am a fool then I must be one, for he is almost always right. I think I’ll step over and see for myself.” That is exactly what he did. Stanton convinced him that the order was a mist

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@petergec

A friend once told the manager of an orchestra that he would love to have a position in the orchestra. Said the manager, “I had no idea you could play an instrument,” “I can’t,” was the reply. “But I see you have a man there who does nothing but wave a stick around while the others play. I think I could handle his job.” 🙂

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@petergec

A rich man decided to fulfil a life-long dream of leading an orchestra. So he hired one drummer, three saxophonists and twenty-four violinists. At their first rehearsal he conducted so badly that the drummer invited the other musicians to leave with him. But one of the saxophonists said, “Why leave? He’s paying us well. Besides, he must know something about music.” At the next rehearsal the conductor just couldn’t keep time. Where upon the drummer started to beat his drums furiously. The conduct

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@petergec

A young author once told Mark Twain that he was losing confidence in his ability to write. “Did you ever get that feeling yourself?” he asked. “Yes,” said Twain. “Once, after I had been writing for nearly fifteen years, it suddenly struck me that I did not possess the slightest talent for writing.” “What did you do then? Did you give up writing?” “How could I? By then I was already famous.” 🙂

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@petergec

The doctor decided that the time had come to tell his patient the truth: “I feel I should tell you that you are a very sick man and are not likely to live for more than another two days at the most. You may want to settle your affairs. Is there anyone you desire to see?” “Yes,” came the answer in a feeble voice. “Who is it?” asked the doctor. “Another doctor.” 🙂

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@petergec

Going by reports he had heard of him, the Caliph appointed Nasruddin Chief Advisor at the court. Since his authority derived, not from competence, but from the patronage of the Caliph, Nasruddin became a danger to all who came to consult him as became evident in the following case: “Nasruddin, you are a man of experience,” said a courtier. “Do you know of a cure for aching eyes? I’m having a lot of trouble with mine.” “Let me share my own experience with you,” said Nasruddin. “I once had a tooth

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@petergec

Owing to a variety of circumstances, the egg of an eagle found its way to a corner of the barn where a hen was hatching her eggs. In time the little eaglet was hatched with the other chickens. Now as time passed the fledging, quite unaccountably, began to experience a longing to fly. So it would say to its mother, the hen, “When shall I learn to fly?” The poor hen was quite aware of the fact that she could not fly and hadn’t the slightest notion of what other birds did to train their fledglings

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@petergec

It was the birthday of the parish priest and the children had come with their birthday greetings and gifts. Father took the gift-wrapped parcel from little Mary and said, “Ah! I see you have brought me a book.” (Mary’s father ran a bookstore in town) “Yes, how did you know?” “Father always knows!” “And you, Tommy, have brought me a sweater,” said Father picking up the parcel Tommy held out to him. (Tommy’s father was a dealer in woollen goods). “That’s right. How did you know?” “Ah! Father alway

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@petergec

The doctor carefully examined a patient and said, “You have had an attack of pneumonia. You are some sort of a musician, aren’t you?” “Yes,” said the man surprised. “And you play a wind instrument.” “That’s right. How did you know?” “Elementary, my dear fellow! There is a distinct straining of the lungs and the larynx is inflamed, undoubtedly because of severe pressure. Tell me, what instrument do you play?” “The accordion.” The hazards of infallibility! 🙂

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@petergec

A young scientist was boasting in the presence of a Guru, of the achievements of modern science. “We can fly, just like the birds,” he was saying. “We can do what the birds can do!” “Except sit on a barbed wire fence,” said the Guru. 🙂

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@petergec

An ancient king in India sentenced a man to death. The man begged that the sentence be condoned, and added, “If the king will be merciful and spare my life, I shall teach his horse to fly in a year’s time.” “Done,” said the king. “But if at the end of this period the horse cannot fly, you will be executed.” When his anxious family later asked the man how he planned to achieve this, he said, “In the course of the year the king may die. Or the horse may die, or who knows, the Horse may learn to fl

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@petergec

Many years ago a bishop on the east coast of the United States paid a visit to a small religious College on the west coast. He was lodged in the home of the college president who was a progressive young man, a professor of physics and chemistry. The president one day invited the members of his faculty to dinner with the bishop so they could benefit from his wisdom and experience. After dinner the talk turned to the millennium and the bishop claimed that it could not be far off. One of the reason

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@petergec

The radio genius Marconi, sat up all night with a friend in his laboratory discussing all the intricate aspects of wireless communication. As they were leaving the laboratory Marconi suddenly said. “All my life I have been studying this matter but there is one thing I simply cannot understand about radio “ “Something you do not understand about radio!’ said the astonished friend. “What is it?” Said Marconi, “Why does it work?” 🙂

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@petergec

A priest’s daughter asked him where he got the ideas for his sermons. “From God.” he replied. “Then why do I see you scratching things out?” asked the girl. 🙂

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@petergec

Marshal Ferdinand Foch was Commander of the Allied Forces during the First World War. His chauffeur, Pierre, was sedulously cultivated by newspaper reporters who hoped to get information on what was going on in the Marshal’s mind. They were always asking him when the war would get over. But Pierre would never say. One day the reporters caught Pierre just as he was leaving headquarters. As they crowded around him the chauffeur said; “Today the Marshal spoke.” “What did he say?” they asked eagerly

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@petergec

Tall man in movie theatre to little boy sitting behind him: “Can you see the screen, son?” “No.” “Not to worry. Just look at me and laugh every time I laugh.” 🙂

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@petergec

Buddha says, “Monks and scholars should not accept my words out of respect but should analyse them as a goldsmith analyses gold by cutting, melting, scraping and rubbing it.” 🙂

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@petergec

The crown prince was a duffer so the king employed a special tutor for him. Lessons began with a careful explanation of Euclid’s first theorem. “Is this clear, your Royal Highness?” asked the tutor. “No.” said his Royal Highness. So the tutor patiently went over the theorem again. “Is it clear now?” “No.” said the prince. Once again the tutor went to work on the theorem-with no effect. When even after the tenth attempt the royal duffer could make no sense of the theorem the poor tutor was reduce

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@petergec

A neighbour came to borrow Nasruddin’s donkey. “It’s out on loan.” said Nasruddin. At that moment the animal began to bray from within its stable. “But I can hear it bray.” said the neighbour. “So whom are you going to believe, the donkey or me?” 🙂

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@petergec

“Could you recommend a good doctor?” “I suggest Dr. Chung. He saved my life.” “How did that happen?” “Well. I had this serious illness and went to see Dr. Ching. I took his medicine and felt worse. So I went to Dr. Chang. I took his medicine and felt I was dying. So I finally went to Dr. Chung-and he wasn’t in.” 🙂

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@petergec

“Thank God we took a mule with us on the picnic because when one of the boys was injured we used the mule to carry him back.” “How did he get injured?” “The mule kicked him!” 🙂

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@petergec

The woman was afflicted with a bad cold and nothing the doctor prescribed seemed to give her any relief. “Can you do nothing to cure me, Doctor?” she asked in frustration. “I have a suggestion,” said the doctor. “Go home and have a hot shower, then, before drying yourself, stand stark naked in a draught.” “Will that cure me?” she asked, surprised. “No, but it will give you pneumonia. And that I can cure.” Has it ever occurred to you that your guru might be offering you the remedy for art illness

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@petergec

AUTHORITY A tale from the Calcutta mystic, Ramakrishna; There was a king who used to have the Bhagavad Gita recited to him every day by a priest. The priest would then explain the text and say, “O King, have you understood what I have said?” And every day the king would neither say Yes or No. He would only say. “You had better understand it first yourself.” This always caused sorrow to the poor priest who had spent hours preparing the daily lesson for the king and knew that his explanation wa

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@petergec

There was a question of opening a reformatory for boys and a well-known educationist was called in for advice. He made a passionate plea for humane methods of education at the reformatory, urging the founders to spare no expense in getting the services of kind-hearted and competent educators. He concluded by saying. “If only one boy is saved from moral depravity, it will justify all the cost and labour invested in an institution like this.” Later a member of the board said to him. “Didn’t you ge

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@petergec

There was a question of opening a reformatory for boys and a well-known educationist was called in for advice. He made a passionate plea for humane methods of education at the reformatory, urging the founders to spare no expense in getting the services of kind-hearted and competent educators. He concluded by saying. “If only one boy is saved from moral depravity, it will justify all the cost and labour invested in an institution like this.” Later a member of the board said to him. “Didn’t you ge

@petergec

The Master at the school for archery was known to be a Master of Life just as much as of archery. One day his brightest pupil scored three bull’s eyes in a row at a local contest. Everyone went wild with applause. Congratulations poured in for pupil-and Master. The Master, however, seemed unimpressed. Even critical. When the pupil later asked him why, he said, “You have yet to learn that the target is not the target.” “What IS the target?” the pupil demanded to know. But the Master would not say

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@petergec

Little girl at fruit store with a banana peel in her hand: “What is it you want, darling?” said the vendor. “A refill.” was the reply. 🙂

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@petergec

A little boy was in a village, away from the big city for the first time in his life. He was standing on the sidewalk when an old man drove up in a horse cart and went into a shop. The boy kept gazing in wonder at the horse, an animal he had never seen in his life. When the old man came out of the shop and was preparing to drive away, the kid said, “Hey, mister! Maybe I ought to warn you that he just lost his petrol?” 🙂

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@petergec

The modern child: A man wanted to foster a love for music in his children so he bought them a piano. When he got home he found them contemplating the piano in puzzlement. “How,” they asked, “do you plug it in?” 🙂

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@petergec

Parents: “Why is it that though Johnny is younger than you his marks at school are always better?” Seven-year-old: “Because Johnny’s parents are clever.” 🙂

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@petergec

A despairing couple sent urgently for the child psychologist because they just did not know what to do with their little son who had installed himself on the rocking horse of a neighbouring kid and refused to get off. He had three rocking horses of his own at home, but he was adamant that the one he wanted to sit on was THIS one. Attempts to drag him away led to such howls and shrieks that he was put right back on the horse. The psychologist first settled the matter of his fee, then walked up t

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@petergec

Nasruddin handed a boy a pitcher and told him to go fetch water from the well. Before the kid set out, however, he clouted him on the ear and shouted. “Mind you don’t drop it!” An onlooker said, “How can you strike a poor child before he has done anything wrong?” Said Nasruddin, “I suppose you would prefer me to strike him AFTER he has broken the pitcher when both the pitcher and the water are lost? When I clout him he remembers and so the pot and the water are both saved.” 🙂

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@petergec

A little boy running down the street turned a corner suddenly and collided with a man. “My goodness!” said the man. “Where are you off to in such a hurry?” “Home.” said the lad. “And I’m in a hurry because my mother is going to spank me.” “Are you so eager to be spanked that you are running home for it?” asked the astonished stranger. “No. But if father gets home before me he will do the spanking.” Children are mirrors. When they are in the presence of love, that’s what they reflect. When lone

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@petergec

At the age of sixty-one Master Soyen Shaku passed from this world, but not before he had fulfilled his appointed task-he left for posterity a more varied and more sublime teaching than that of most Zen Masters. It was said that his pupils would sometimes sleep after the midday meal, overcome with lassitude in the summer. Even though he himself never wasted a minute. Soyen never said a word about this failing in his disciples. At the age of twelve he was already studying the philosophical tenets

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@petergec

A guru was holding class for a group of young disciples when they begged him to reveal to them the Sacred Mantra by which the dead are restored to life. “What would you do with a dangerous thing like that?” “Nothing. It would just serve to strengthen our faith.” they replied. “Premature knowledge is a dangerous thing, my children.” the old man said. “When is knowledge premature?” they demanded. “When it gives power to someone who does not as yet have the wisdom that must go with its use.” The di

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@petergec

U.S. President William Howard Taft was at dinner one night when his youngest son made a disrespectful remark about his father. Everyone was shocked at the audacity of the boy and a hush descended on the room. “Well,” said Mrs. Taft, “aren’t you going to punish him?” “If the remark was addressed to me as his father, he will certainly be punished.” said Taft, “But if he addressed it to the President of the United States, that is his constitutional privilege.” Why should a father be exempt from cr

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@petergec

The Dean of Women was introducing the newcomers to the college and thought fit to touch on the subject of sex morality. “In moments of temptation, ask yourselves just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?” At the end of the lecture she asked if there were any questions. One of the girls timidly raised her hand and said. “Could you tell us how you make it last one hour?” 🙂

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@petergec

“What did you have in school today?” a father asked his teenage son. “Oh, we had lectures on sex,” was the reply. “Lectures on sex? What did they tell you?” “Well, first there was a priest who told us why we shouldn’t. Then a doctor told us how we shouldn’t. Finally the principal gave us a talk on where we shouldn’t.” 🙂

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@petergec

A philosopher who had only one pair of shoes asked the cobbler to repair them for him while he waited. “It’s closing time,” said the cobbler, “so it won’t be possible for me to repair them just now. Why don’t you come for them tomorrow?” “I have only one pair of shoes and it won’t be possible for me to walk without shoes.” “Very well. I shall lend you a used pair for the day.” “What! Wear someone else’s shoes? What do you take me for?” “Why should you object to having someone else’s shoes on you

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@petergec

“I wish you would dress more in accordance with your position. Tm sorry you have allowed yourself to become so shabby.” “But I am not shabby.” ‘Yes, you are. Take your grandfather. He was always so elegantly dressed. His clothes were expensive and well tailored.” “Ha! I’ve got you there! These are my grandfather’s clothes I am wearing!” 🙂

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@petergec

Uncle Joe had come for the weekend and little Jimmy was ecstatic that his great hero was going to share his room and bed. Just after lights out Jimmy remembered something. “Oops!” he cried. “I nearly forgot!” He jumped out of bed and knelt down beside it. Not wishing to set a bad example to the little fellow, Uncle Joe heaved himself out of bed and knelt down on the other side. “Boy!” whispered Jimmy in awe. “When Mom finds out tomorrow, you’ll get it! The pot’s on this side.” 🙂

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@petergec

An old sailor gave up smoking when his pet parrot developed a persistent cough. He was worried-that the pipe smoke that frequently filled the room had damaged the parrot’s health. He had a vet examine the bird. After a thorough check-up the vet concluded that the parrot did not have psittacosis or pneumonia. It had merely been imitating the cough of its pipe-smoking master. 🙂

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@petergec

When Handel’s MESSIAH was first performed in London, the King who was present, was so carried away by religious sentiment during the Alleluia chorus that, against all convention, he stood up in silent respect for the masterpiece he was hearing. When they saw this, all the nobles present followed the example of the King and stood up too. That was the signal, of course, for everyone in the audience to stand up! Since then it is considered de rigueur to stand up each time the Alleluia is sung regar

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When the young rabbi succeeded his father everyone began to tell him how completely unlike his father he is. “On the contrary.” replied the young man. “I’m exactly like the old man. He imitated no one. I imitate no one.” 🙂 ‘Be yourself!’ Beware of imitating the behaviour of the great if you do not have the inner disposition that inspired them to act.

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Mother: “Did you know that God was present when you stole that cookie from the kitchen? And he was looking at you all the time?” “Yes.” “And what do you think he was saying to you?” “He was saying. There’s no one here but the two of us - take two." 🙂

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Religious-minded woman mourning the ways of the younger generation: “It’s because of the cars! Look how far they can go for a dance or a date nowadays. It wasn’t that way in your day, was it grandma?” Eighty-seven year old lady: “Well, we certainly went as far as we could.” 🙂

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Three boys accused of stealing watermelons were brought to court and faced the judge nervously, expecting the worst, for he was known to be a severe man. He was also a wise educator. With a rap of his gavel he said. “Any man in here who never stole a single watermelon when he was a boy raise his hand.” He waited. The court officials, policeman, spectators-and the judge himself-kept their hands on the desks in front of them When he was satisfied that not a single hand was raised in the court, the

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A man, who had just retired from forty-seven years of work as a reporter and editor phoned to the local Education Board and. after explaining his background in the newspaper business, said he would like to get involved in the local literacy programme. There was a long pause. Then someone at the other end said. “That would be fine. But would you want to teach or to learn?” 🙂

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With the help of a MANUAL OF INSTRUCTIONS a woman tried for hours to assemble a complicated new appliance she had recently bought. She finally gave up and left the pieces all over the kitchen table. Imagine her surprise when she got back several hours later to find the machine put together by the housemaid and functioning perfectly. “How on earth did you do that?” she exclaimed. “Well, ma’am, when you don’t know how to read you’re forced to use your brains.” was the serene reply. 🙂

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Education should not be a preparation for life; it should be life. A group of college students begged novelist Sinclair Lewis to give them a lecture, explaining that all of them were to become writers themselves. Lewis began with: “How many of you really intend to be writers?” All hands were raised. “In that case, there is no point in my talking. My advice to you is: go home and write, write, write...” With that, he returned his notes to his pocket and left the room. 🙂

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Noticing that his father was growing old, the son of a burglar said. “Father, teach me your trade so that when you retire I may carry on the family tradition.” The father did not reply but that night he took the boy along with him to break into a house. Once inside, he opened a closet and asked his son to find out what was inside. No sooner had the lad stepped in then the father slammed the door shut and bolted it making such a noise in the process that the whole house was awakened. Then he hims

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In the early 1850s American painter, James McNeill Whistler, spent a brief-and academically unsuccessful-period at West Point, the U.S. Military Academy. The story goes that when he was assigned to draw a bridge he drew a romantic stone one, complete with grassy banks and two small children fishing from it. “Get those children off that bridge!” said the instructor. “This is an engineering exercise.” Whistler got the kids off the bridge, drew them fishing from the bank of the river and resubmitte

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The old man had lived most of his life on what was considered to be one of the loveliest islands in the world. Now that he had returned to spend his retirement years in the big city someone said to him, “It must have been wonderful lo live for so many years on an island that is considered one of the wonders of the world.” The old man gave that some thought, then said, “Well, to tell you the truth, if I had known it was so famous, I’d have looked at it.” People don’t need to be taught how to loo

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Andrew Carnegie, one of the richest men in the world was once asked: “You could have stopped any time, couldn’t you, because you always had much more than you needed?” He replied: “Yes, that’s right. But I could not stop, I had forgotten how to.” Many fear that if they stopped to think and wonder they might not be able to get started again. 🙂

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One of the few men to walk on the moon tells how he had to suppress his artistic instincts when he got there. He remembered looking back at Earth and being enraptured by the sight. For a while he stood rooted to the ground, thinking. “My, that’s lovely!” Then he quickly shook the mood off and said to himself, “Stop wasting your lime and go collect rocks.” There are two educations: the one that teaches how to make a living and the one that teaches how to live. 🙂

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From a child’s report card: “Samuel participates very nicely in the group singing by helpful listening.” 🙂

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Little Johnny was being tried out for a part in the school play. His mother knew that he had set his heart on it but she feared he would not be chosen. On the day the parts were given out. Johnny, back from school, rushed into his mother’s arms, bursting with pride and excitement. “Mother.” he shouted, “guess what! I’ve been chosen to clap and cheer.” 🙂

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An ancient legend has it that when God was creating the world He was approached by four angels. The first one asked, “How are you doing it?” The second, “Why are you doing it?” the third, “Can I be of help?” The fourth, “What is it worth?” The first was a scientist; the second, a philosopher; the third, an altruist; and the fourth, a real estate agent. A fifth angel watched in wonder and applauded in sheer delight. This one was the mystic. 🙂

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A man began to give large doses of cod-liver oil to his Doberman because he had been told that the stuff was good for dogs. Each day he would hold the head of the protesting dog between his knees force its jaws open and pour the liquid down its throat. One day the dog broke loose and spilt the oil on the floor. Then, to the man’s great surprise, it returned to lick the spoon. That is when he discovered that what the dog had been fighting was not the oil but his method of administering it. 🙂

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Little Mary was on the beach with her mother. ‘Mummy, may I play in the sand?” “No, darling. You’ll only soil your clean clothes. “May I wade in the water?” “No. You’ll get wet and catch a cold. “May I play with the other children?” “No. You’ll get lost in the crowd.” ‘Mummy, buy me an ice-cream. “No. It’s bad for your throat.” Little Mary began to cry. Mother turned to a woman who was standing near by and said. “For heaven’s sake! Have you ever seen such a neurotic child?” 🙂

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“How are your children?” “Both of them are very well thanking you.” “How old are they?” The doctor is three and the lawyer is five. 🙂

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EDUCATION The family settled down for dinner at the restaurant. The waitress first took the order of the adults, then, turned to the seven-year-old. “What will you have?” she asked. The boy looked around the table timidly and said, “I would like to have a hot dog.” Before the waitress could write down the order the mother interrupted. “No hot dogs,” she said. “Get him a steak with mashed potatoes and carrots.” The waitress ignored her, “Do you want ketchup or mustard on your hot dog?” she as

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THE PRAYER OF THE FROG - VOLUME TWO AUTHOR Anthony de Mello ... 🙂

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...but always at one’s risk. A car accident occurred in a small town. A crowd surrounded the victim so a newspaper reporter couldn’t manage to get close enough to see him. He hit upon an idea. “I’m the father of the victim!” he cried “Please let me through.” The crowd let him pass so he was able to get right up to the scene of the accident and discover, to his embarrassment, that the victim was a donkey. 🙂 this story is the last in the part one of THE PRAYER OF THE FROG 🙂

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A soldier was rushed back home from the front because his father was dying. An exception was made for him because he was all the family his father had. When he walked into the Intensive Care Ward he suddenly saw that this semi- conscious old man with tubes corning out of him wasn’t his father. Someone had made a colossal mistake and rushed back the wrong man. “How much longer does he have to live?” he asked the doctor. “Not more than a few hours. You’ve only just made it.” The soldier thought of

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..and sometimes revealed by lies... A drunk wandering through the city streets at night fell into a cesspool. As he sank deeper into the liquid mess, he began to shout. “Fire, fire, fire!” Several passers-by heard him and carne rushing to the rescue. After they had pulled him out they asked why he had shouted “Fire!” when there had been no fire. He gave them this classic response. “Would any of you have come to the rescue if I had shouted. ‘Shit!’?” 🙂

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...it is sometimes concealed by truthfulness... Two travelling salesmen meet on the platform of a railway station. “Hello.” “Hello.” Silence. “Where are you off to?” “Calcutta.” Silence. “Listen! When you say you’re going to Calcutta, you know that I’ll think that you are actually going to Bombay. But I happen to know that you are going to Calcutta. So why don’t you tell the truth?” 🙂

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....and cultural modes of expression An American girl taking dancing lessons in an old-time dancing school showed a constant tendency to lead her partner. This often brought protests like. “Hey! Who’s doing the leading-you or me?” One day her dancing partner happened to be a Chinese lad who, a few minutes after the dancing began, whispered politely. “Is it not generally more advantageous if in the dancing process, the lady avoids all preconceived ideas about the direction in which the couple sh

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Its clarity need not be dimmed by politeness. Rejection slip of a Chinese publishing house that returns a manuscript to its author: “We have perused your manuscript with exceptional relish. We fear, however, that if we were to publish your outstanding work, it would be quite impossible for us to ever again publish another work that would not come up to its standard. And we cannot imagine how any other work will be its equal in the next hundred years. So, to our deepest regret, we are compelled

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... and a fearless heart. There was a loud knocking in the seeker’s heart. “Who’s there?” asked the frightened seeker. “It is I, Truth,” came the answer. “Don’t be ridiculous,” said the seeker. “Truth speaks in silence.” That effectively stopped the knocking-to the seeker’s great relief. What he did not know was that the knocking was produced by the fearful beating of his heart. The Truth that sets us free is almost always the Truth we would rather not hear. So when we say something isn’t true

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The story has it that when New Mexico became part of the United States and the first court session opened in the new state, the presiding judge was a hardened old former cowboy and Indian fighter. He took his place on the bench and the case opened. A man was charged with horse- stealing. The case for the prosecution was made; the plaintiff and his witnesses were duly heard. Whereupon the attorney for the defendant stood up and said. “And now, your Honour, I should like to present my client’s sid

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Truth calls for that most formidable accomplishment of the human spirit: an open mind... 🙂

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The fifth Zen Patriarch. Hung-jun chose Hui-neng from among five hundred monks to be his successor. When asked why he replied, “The other four hundred and ninety- nine showed a perfect grasp of Buddhism. Hui-neng alone has no understanding of it whatsoever. He’s the type of man that ordinary standards will not measure. So the mantle of authentic transmission has fallen on him.” 🙂

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It is best expressed in silence... Bodhidharma is considered the first Zen Patriarch. He was the man who took Buddhism from India to China in the sixth century. When he decided to return home, he gathered his Chinese disciples around him so he could appoint someone to succeed him. He put their powers of perception to the test by asking each of them this question: “What is truth?” Dofuku said: “Truth is what is beyond affirmation and negation.” Bodhidharma said. “You have my skin.” The nun Soji s

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Soon after the death of Rabbi Mokshe, Rabbi Mendel of Kotyk asked one of his disciples. “What did your teacher give the greatest importance to?” The disciple gave it a moment’s reflection, and then said, “To whatever he happened to be doing at the moment.” 🙂

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A man asked Bayazid to take him on as a disciple. “If what you seek is Truth.” said Bayazid. “there, are requirements to be fulfilled and duties to be discharged.” “What are these?” “You will have to draw water and chop wood and do the housecleaning and cooking.” “I am in search of Truth, not employment,” said the man, as he walked away. 🙂

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Little boy to the electrician: “What exactly is electricity?” “I really do not know, son. But I can make it give you light.” 🙂

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Truth is really something you do. The disciples of Baal Shem once said, “Tell us, dear Rabbi, how we should serve God.” He replied, “How should I know?”...then went on to tell them the following story: A king had two friends who were found guilty of crime and sentenced to death. Now even though the king loved them he dared not acquit them outright for fear of giving a bad example to the people. So this is the verdict he gave: A rope was to be stretched across a deep chasm and each of the two me

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...yet immeasurable. A frog had lived all his life in a well. One day he was surprised to see another frog there. “Where have you come from?” he asked. “From the sea. That’s where I live,” said the other. “What’s the sea like? Is it big as my well?” The sea frog laughed, “There’s no comparison.” he said. The well frog pretended to be interested in what his visitor had to say about the sea. But he thought, “Of all the liars I have known in my lifetime, this one is undoubtedly the greatest - and

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It is concrete... A monk once said to Fuketsu: “There is something I heard you say once that puzzled me, namely, that truth can be communicated without speaking and without keeping silent. Would you explain this please?” Fuketsu replied: “When I was a lad in South China, ah! how the birds sang among the blossoms in the springtime?” I think. Therefore I am unconscious At the moment of thought I well in the UNREAL world of abstraction or of the past or of the future. 🙂

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When the English playwright Oscar Wilde arrived at his club late at night after witnessing the first presentation of a play that had been a complete failure, someone asked, “How did your play go tonight, Oscar?” “Oh,” said Wilde, “the play was a great success. The audience was a failure.” 🙂

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It can be relative. An American tourist was travelling abroad for the first time. On arrival at his first foreign airport he was faced with a choice between two passageways, one of which was marked CITIZENS and the other ALIENS. He promptly headed for the first one. When told later that he would have to stand in the other line, he protested, “But I’m no alien. I’m an American!” 🙂

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Judge: “What’s your age.” Convict: “Twenty-two .sir.” Judge: “That’s what you’ve been telling us for the last ten years.” Convict: “That’s right, sir. I’m not the type that says one thing today and another tomorrow.” 🙂 Old actress: “I really don’t know my age. It keeps changing from minute to minute.” 🙂

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Truth has a way of changing. A passenger was completely lost between the decks of a great Atlantic liner. He finally ran into a steward and asked for help in finding his cabin. “What was the number of your cabin, sir?” asked the steward. “I couldn’t tell you, but I’d know it at once, because it had a lighthouse outside the porthole.” 🙂

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The great Gensha once invited a court official to tea. After the customary greetings the official said, “I do not wish to squander this opportunity of spending some time in the presence of so great a Master. Tell me, “what does it mean when they say that in spite of our having it in our daily life we do not see it?” Gensha offered the man a piece of cake. Then he served him his tea. After eating and drinking’, the official, thinking that the Master had not heard his first sentence, repeated the

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....or in abstractions... A disciple said to the Zen Master Hogen. “When I was Studying with my previous Master I got some insight into what Zen is all about.” “So what is this insight you have?” asked Hogen. “When I asked the Master who Buddha was (by which, of course. I meant Reality), he said. ‘Ping-ting comes for fire.’” “That was a fine reply.” said Hogen. “But I fear you may have got it wrong. Tell me what meaning you gave to his words.” “Well.” said the disciple, “Ping-ting is the god of

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Doctor: “That pain in your leg is caused by old age.” Patient: “Don’t take me for a fool! The other leg is just as old.” 🙂

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A professor of philosophy in Paris one day declared himself the greatest man in the world and proceeded to prove it to his students in the following fashion: “Which is the greatest nation on earth?” “France, of course,” they all declared. “And which is the greatest city in France?’ ‘Paris, obviously.” “And is not the greatest and holiest place in all Paris its university? And who can doubt that the greatest, the noblest department in any university is its department of philosophy? And, tell me,

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...in logic... The huge man was preparing to leave the tavern at ten. ‘Why so early?” asked the barman. “Because of the wife.” “So you too are scared of your wife! Are you a man or a mouse?" “Of one thing I am absolutely sure: I am not a mouse. Because my wife is afraid of mice.” 🙂

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A group of a hundred lumberjacks worked in the forest for six months and two women did their cooking and laundry for them. At the end of that period two of the men married the two women. What the local newspaper said was that two per cent of the men married a hundred per cent of the women. 🙂

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Nor is it generally found in statistics... Nasruddin was arrested and taken to court on the charge that he was stuffing horsemeat into the chicken cutlets he served at his restaurant. Before passing sentence the judge wanted to know in what proportion he was mixing horsemeat with chicken flesh. Nasruddin said, on oath. “It was fifty-fifty, your Honour.” After the trial a friend asked what exactly “fifty-fifty” meant. Said Nasruddin. “One horse to one chicken.” 🙂

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.....or distinctions. A man was doing his Ph. D in philosophy. His wife realised how seriously he was taking his studies only on the day she said to him, “Why is it you love me so much?” Quick as a shot he replied, “When you say ‘so much’ are you referring to intensity, depth, frequency, quality or duration?” By dissecting her petals no one ever gathered in the beauty of the rose. 🙂

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....in conventions... When the Russian-Finnish boundary line was being redrawn a farmer was told that the border passed right through the middle of his land. He therefore had the option of having his land taken into Russia or Finland. He promised to give the matter serious thought; and after some weeks announced that he wanted to live in Finland. A host of incensed Russian officials descended on him to explain the advantages of belonging to Russia, not Finland. The man heard them out then said.

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....in labels... An Englishman migrated to the United States and became an American citizen. When he went back to England for a vacation one of his relatives reprimanded him for changing his citizenship. “What have you gained by becoming an American citizen?” she asked him. “Well, for one thing. I win the American Revolution," was the answer. 🙂

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.... in slogans... A religious group was in the habit of using, for its many conferences, a hotel whose motto was written in large words over the walls of the lobby: THERE ARE NO PROBLEMS. ONLY OPPORTUNITIES. A man approached the hotel desk and said, “Excuse me. I have a problem “ The desk clerk said, with a smile. “We have no problems here sir. Only opportunities.” “Call it what you want.” said the man impatiently. “There’s a woman in the room assigned to me.“ 🙂

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A conductor was rehearsing with his orchestra and said to the trumpet player, “I think this part calls for a more Wagnerian approach, if you get what I mean, something more assertive, so to speak, more accentuated, with more body, more depth, more...” The trumpet player interrupted. “Do you want it louder, sir?” All that the poor conductor could say was. “Yes, that’s what I mean!” 🙂

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....or in words... “I long to learn spirituality.” said a neighbour to Mulla Nasruddin. “Would you come over to my house and talk to me about it?” Nasruddin did not commit himself. He saw that the man did indeed, have a spark of intelligence above the average, but he also realized that he was under the delusion that mysticism can be transmitted to another by word of mouth. Some days later the neighbour called from his roof. “Mullah, I need your help to blow my fire. The embers are going out.” “

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A couple did not know what to do about the jealousy of their three-year-old son towards the new baby. They were enlightened by a Book of Child Psychology One day when the little fellow was in a particularly bad mood the mother said, “Take this teddy bear, son, and show me how you feel towards baby.” According to the Book he was supposed to punch and squeeze the teddy bear. But the three-year-old grabbed the teddy bear by the leg and, with obvious delight, went over to the baby and hit her on the

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..in theories-. A manager, who had just returned from a Motivation Seminar, called an employee into his office and said, “Henceforth you are going to be allowed to plan and control your job. That wilt raise productivity considerably. I am sure.” “Will I be paid more,” asked the worker. “No. no. Money is not a motivator and you will get no satisfaction from a salary raise.” “Well, if production does increase, will I be paid more?” “Look.” said the manager. “You obviously do not understand the m

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