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petergec
21 hours ago
A young man blind from birth, fell in love with a girl. All went well until a friend told him the girl wasn’t too good looking. At that minute he lost all interest in her. Too bad! He had been “seeing” her very well. It was his friend who was blind! 🙂
petergec
5 days ago
What they love or hate is not the essence of things or persons but only their configuration. A young boy developed what could only be called a sandwich phobia. Any time he saw a sandwich he would tremble and scream with fear. His mother was so upset about this, she took him to a therapist who said, “The phobia is easily removed. Take the lad home and let him see you make a sandwich from beginning to end. This will dispel any silly notions he has about a sandwich and he’ll stop trembling and scr
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petergec
6 days ago
Two gentlemen of unsteady gait waited impatiently at the bus terminal late at night long after the buses had ceased to ply. A couple of hours passed before they realised, in their drunken stupor that the last bus had gone. Seeing several buses parked at the depot, they decided to borrow one and drive themselves home. To their disappointment, they couldn’t find the bus they wanted. “Can you believe it?” said one. “A hundred buses and not a single number 36 in the whole lot!” “Never mind!” said th
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petergec
1 week ago
The walls that imprison them are mental, not real. A bear paced up and down the twenty feet that was the length of his cage. When, after five years, the cage was removed, the bear continued to pace up and down those twenty feet as if the cage was there. It was. For him! 🙂
petergec
1 week ago
Their culture and their conditioning offer them an “elevator existence.” The impatient dowager pressed the elevator button and fumed because it did not appear at once. When it finally did, she snapped at the operator, “Where have you been?” “Lady, where can you go in an elevator?” 🙂
petergec
1 week ago
They see, not what is there but what they have been trained to see. Tommy had just got back from the beach. “Were there other children there?” asked his mother. “Yes,” said Tommy. “Boys or girls?” “How could I know? They didn’t have any clothes on.” 🙂
petergec
1 week ago
Pestilence was on its way to Damascus and sped by a chief’s caravan in the desert. “Where are you speeding to?” asked the chief. “To Damascus. I mean to take a thousand lives.” On its way back from Damascus, Pestilence passed by the caravan again. The chief said, “It was 50,000 lives that you took, not a 1,000.” “No,” said the Pestilence. “I took a thousand. It was Fear that took the rest.” 🙂
petergec
1 week ago
HUMAN NATURE Human beings react, not to reality, but to ideas in their heads... A group of tourists, stranded somewhere in the countryside, were given old rations to eat. Before eating the food they tested it by throwing some of it to a dog who seemed to enjoy it and suffered no after effects. The following day they learnt that the dog had died. Everyone was panic-stricken. Many began to vomit and complained of fever and dysentery. A doctor was called in to treat the victims for food poisonin
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petergec
1 week ago
There was once a very austere man who let no food or drink pass his lips while the sun was in the heavens. In what seemed to be a sign of heavenly approval for his austerities a bright star shone on top of a nearby mountain, visible to everyone in broad daylight, though no one knew what brought the star there. One day the man decided to climb the mountain. A little village girl insisted on going with him. The day was warm and soon the two were thirsty. He urged the child to drink but she said sh
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petergec
2 weeks ago
When Buddha first embarked upon his spiritual quest he practised many austerities. One day two musicians happened to pass by the tree under which he was sitting in meditation. One was saying to the other, “Do not tighten the strings of your sitar too much or they will snap. Do not keep them too loose either or they will produce no music. Keep to the middle path.” Those words hit Buddha with such force that they revolutionized his whole approach to spirituality. He was convinced they had been sai
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petergec
2 weeks ago
The devotee knelt to be initiated into discipleship. The guru whispered the sacred mantra into his ear, warning him not to reveal it to anyone. “What will happen if I do?” asked the devotee. Said the guru, “Anyone you reveal the mantra to will be liberated from the bondage of ignorance and suffering, but you yourself will be excluded from discipleship and suffer damnation.” No sooner had he heard those words than the devotee rushed to the marketplace, collected a large crowd around him and repea
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petergec
2 weeks ago
An old woman in China supported a monk for more than twenty years. She built him a little hut and fed him while he spent all his time in meditation. At the end of this period she wondered what progress the man had made, she decided to put him to the test by enlisting the help of a girl aflame with desire. “Go into the hut,” she told the girl,” and embrace him. Then say, ‘What shall we do now?’” The girl called on the monk at night to find him at his meditation. Without further ado she began to c
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petergec
2 weeks ago
Disciple: “What is the Tao?” Master: “Everything is Tao.” Disciple: “How can I get it?” Master: “If you try to get it, you will miss it.” No one is ever natural who tries to be natural; or tries not to try!
petergec
2 weeks ago
An American preacher in Beijing asked the waiter in a restaurant what Religion was for the Chinese. The waiter took him out to the balcony and asked, “What do you see, sir?” “I see a street and houses and people walking and buses and taxis plying.” “What else?” “Trees.” “What else?” “The wind is blowing.” The Chinese extended his arms and exclaimed, “That is Religion, sir!” . You’re searching for it the way someone searches for sight with open eyes! It Is too clear that it is hard to see. 🙂
petergec
2 weeks ago
A young man came to a Master and asked, “How long is it likely to take me to attain enlightenment?” Said the Master. “Ten years.” The young man was shocked. “So long?” he asked incredulously. Said the Master, “No, that was a mistake. It will take you twenty years.” The young man asked, “Why did you double the figure?” Said the Master, “Come to think of it, in your case it will probably be thirty.” Some people will never learn anything because they grasp everything too soon. Wisdom, after all, i
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petergec
2 weeks ago
A young business executive phoned his foreign representative one day and tersely announced: “I am calling to give, instructions. This call will last no more than three minutes. I shall speak and you are not to interrupt. Any comments or queries you have are to be cabled to me later.” With that he went on to deliver his message. His delivery was so rapid that he finished a little ahead of time. “We have twenty seconds left,” he told the man at the other end. “Have you anything to say?” “Yes,” cam
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petergec
3 weeks ago
A visitor to an insane asylum found one of the inmates rocking back and forth in a chair cooing repeatedly in a soft, contented manner, “Lulu, Lulu...” “What’s this man’s problem?” he asked the doctor. “Lulu. She was the woman who jilted him,” was the doctor’s reply. As they proceeded on the tour they came to a padded cell whose occupant was banging his head repeatedly against the wall and moaning, “Lulu, Lulu...” “Is Lulu this man’s problem too?” asked the visitor. “Yes,” said the doctor. “He’s
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petergec
3 weeks ago
Buddha was once threatened with death by a bandit called Angulimal. “Then be good enough to fulfil my dying wish,” said Buddha- “Cut off the branch of that tree-” One slash of the sword, and it was done! “What now?” asked the bandit. “Put it back again,” said Buddha. The bandit laughed. “You must be crazy to think that anyone can do that.” “On the contrary, it is you who are crazy to think that you are mighty because you can wound and destroy. That is the task of children. The mighty know how to
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petergec
3 weeks ago
One day Hasan of Basra saw Rabi’a al Adawiya near the riverside. Casting his prayer mat on the water he stepped on to it and said, “O Rabi’a, come let us pray together.” Rabi’a said, “O Hasan, why have you set yourself up like a salesman in the bazaar of this world? You do this because of your weakness.” With that she threw her prayer mat into the air, flew up on to it and said, “Come up here, Hasan, so that people may see us,” But that was more than Hasan could accomplish, so he was silent. Rab
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petergec
3 weeks ago
Two inmates of a deaf-and-dumb institution had a quarrel. When an official came to straighten things out between them he found one of the men standing with his back to the other, shaking with laughter. “What’s the joke? Why is your partner here looking so angry?” the official asked, speaking with his fingers. “Because,” the mute replied, also with the fingers, “he wants to swear at me but I refuse to look!” 🙂
petergec
3 weeks ago
Buddha seemed quite unruffled by the insults hurled at him by a visitor. When his disciples later asked him what the secret of his serenity was, he said: “Imagine what would happen if someone placed an offering before you and you did not pick it up. Or someone sent you a letter that you refused to open; you would be unaffected by its contents, would you not? Do this each time you are abused and you will not lose your serenity.” The only kind of dignity which is genuine is that which is not dimi
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petergec
3 weeks ago
A man and his wife went to visit friends in another part of the country and were taken to a racecourse. Fascinated by the sight of horses chasing one another round a track, the two of them kept betting all evening till they had no more than two dollars left. The following day the man prevailed upon his wife to let him go to the course alone. There was a horse with a fifty-to-one odds on it in the first race. He bet on the horse and it won. He put all the money he won on another long shot in the
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petergec
3 weeks ago
King Pyrrhus of Epirus was approached by his friend Cyneas and asked, “If you conquer Rome, what will you do next, sir?” Pyrrhus replied. “Sicily is next door and will be easy to take.” “And what shall we do after Sicily is taken?” “Then we will move over to Africa and sack Carthage.’ “And after Carthage, sir?” “The turn of Greece will come. “And what, may I ask, will the fruit of all these conquests be?” “Then,” said Pyrrhus, “we can sit down and enjoy ourselves.” “Can we not,” said Cyneas, “en
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petergec
4 weeks ago
A Quaker had this sign put up on a vacant piece of land next to his home: THIS LAND WILL BE GIVEN TO ANYONE WHO IS TRULY SATISFIED. A wealthy farmer who was riding by stopped to read the sign and said to himself, “Since our friend the Quaker is so ready to part with this plot I might as well claim it before someone else does, I am a rich man and have all I need, so I certainly qualify.” With that he went up to the door and explained what he was there for. “And is thee truly satisfied?” the Quake
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petergec
4 weeks ago
One of Junaid’s followers came to him with a purse full of gold coins. “Have you any more gold coins?” asked Junaid. “Yes, many more.” ‘And you are attached to them?” ‘’I am.” “Then you must keep this too, for your need is greater than mine. Since I have nothing and desire nothing I am much wealthier than you are, you see.” The heart of the enlightened is like a mirror: It grasps nothing, refuses nothing; it receives but does not keep. 🙂
petergec
1 month ago
The great Buddhist saint Nagarjuna moved around naked except for a loin-cloth and, incongruously, a golden begging-bowl gifted to him by the king who was his disciple. One night he was about to lie down to sleep among the ruins of an ancient monastery when he noticed a thief lurking behind one of the columns. “Here, take this,” said Nagarjuna, holding out the begging bowl. “That way you won’t disturb me once I have fallen asleep.” The thief eagerly grabbed the bowl and made off - only to return
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petergec
1 month ago
A monkey and a hyena were walking through the forest when the hyena said, “Each time I pass by those bushes there a lion jumps out of them and mauls me. I don’t know why.” “I’ll walk with you this time,” said the monkey, “and side with you against the lion.” So they started to walk past the bushes when the lion pounced on the hyena and nearly mauled it to death. Meanwhile the monkey watched the proceedings from the safety of a tree that he had run up the moment the lion had appeared. “Why didn’t
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petergec
1 month ago
When Buddha entered the capital of King Pransanjit, the King in person came out to him. He had been a friend of Buddha’s father and had heard of the lad’s renunciation. So he attempted to persuade Buddha to give up his life as a wandering beggar and return to the palace, thinking he was doing a service to his old friend. Buddha looked into the eyes of Prasanjit and said, “Answer me truthfully. For all your outer merriment, has your kingdom brought you a single day of happiness?” Prasanjit lowere
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petergec
1 month ago
The guru sat in meditation on the river bank when a disciple bent down to place two enormous pearls at his feet, a token of reverence and devotion. The guru opened his eyes, lifted one of the pearls and held it so carelessly that it slipped out of his hand and rolled down the bank into the river. The horrified disciple plunged in after it but, though he dived in again and again till late evening, he had no luck. Finally, all wet and exhausted, he roused the guru from his meditation: “You saw whe
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petergec
1 month ago
People have been known to make a rich life for themselves and others with very few possessions. There was a group of elderly gentlemen in Japan who would meet to exchange news and drink tea. One of their diversions was to search for costly varieties of tea and create new blends that would delight the palate. When it was the turn of the oldest member of the group to entertain the others, he served tea with the greatest ceremony, measuring out the leaves from a golden container. Everyone had the h
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petergec
1 month ago
True philosopher that he was, Socrates believed that the wise person would instinctively lead a frugal life. He himself would not even wear shoes; yet he constantly fell under the spell of the marketplace and would go there often to look at all the wares on display. When one of his friends asked why, Socrates said, “I love to go there and discover how many things I am perfectly happy without.” Spirituality is not knowing what you want but understanding what you do not need. 🙂
petergec
1 month ago
A rich Muslim went to the mosque after a party and had to take off his expensive shoes and leave them outside the mosque. When he came out after prayer the shoes were gone. “How thoughtless of me,” he said to himself. “By foolishly leaving those shoes here I was the occasion for someone to steal them. I would have gladly given them to him. Now I am responsible for creating a thief.” 🙂
petergec
1 month ago
There was an old Zen Master called Nonoko who lived alone in a hut at the foot of a mountain. One night while Nonoko was sitting in meditation a stranger broke into the hut and, brandishing a sword, demanded Nonoko’s money. Nonoko did not interrupt his meditation while he addressed the man: “All my money is in a bowl on the shelf up there. Take all you need, but leave me five yen. I have to pay my taxes, next week.” The stranger emptied the bowl of all the money it held and threw five yen back i
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petergec
1 month ago
Here is a story a Master told his disciples to show what damage a single trifling attachment can do to those who have become rich in spiritual gifts: A villager was once riding past a cave in a mountain at the precise moment when it made one of its rare magical appearances to all who wished to enrich themselves from its treasures. He marched into the cave and found whole mountains of jewels and precious stones that he hurriedly stuffed into the saddlebags of his mule, for he knew the legend acco
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petergec
1 month ago
And Buddha said: “This land is mine, these sons are mine,”-such are the words of the fool who does not understand that even he is not his. You never really possess things, You merely hold them for a while. If you are unable to give them away you are held by them. Whatever you treasure must be held in the hollow of your hand as water is held. Clutch at it and it is gone. Appropriate it to yourself and you soil it. Set it free and it is forever yours. 🙂
petergec
1 month ago
The Indian mystic Ramakrishna used to say: God laughs on two occasions. He laughs when he hears a physician say to a mother, “Don’t be afraid, I shall cure the boy.” God says to himself, “I am planning to take the life of the child and this man thinks he can save it!” He also laughs when he sees two brothers divide their land by means of a boundary line saying, “This side belongs to me and the other side to you.” He says to himself, “The universe belongs to me and they claim to own portions of i
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petergec
1 month ago
A miser had accumulated five hundred thousand dinars and looked forward to a year of pleasant living before he made up his mind how best to invest his money, when suddenly the Angel of Death appeared before him to take his life away. The man begged and pleaded and used a thousand arguments to be allowed to live a little longer, but the Angel was obdurate. “Give me three days of life and I shall give you half my fortune,” the man pleaded. The Angel wouldn’t hear of it and began to tug at him, “Gi
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petergec
1 month ago
A Sufi of forbidding appearance arrived at the doors of the palace. No one dared to stop him as he made his way right up to the throne on which the saintly Ibrahim ben Adam sat. “What is it you want?” asked the king. “A place to sleep in this caravan serai.” “This is no caravanserai. This is my palace. “May I ask who owned this place before you?” “My father. He is dead.” “And who owned it before him?” “My grandfather. He is dead too.” “And this place where people lodge for a brief while and mov
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petergec
1 month ago
Two jewel merchants arrived at a caravan sarai in the desert at about the same time one night. Each was quite conscious of the other’s presence and, while unloading his camel, one of them could not resist the temptation to let a large pearl fall to the ground as if by accident. It rolled in the direction of the other who, with affected graciousness, picked it up and returned it to its owner saying, “That is a fine pearl you have there, sir. As large and lustrous as they come.” “How gracious of y
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petergec
1 month ago
A reporter was attempting to get an interesting story out of a very, very old man in a government-run home for the aged. “Grandpa,” said the young reporter, “how would you feel if you suddenly got a letter telling you that a distant relative had left you ten million dollars?” “Son,” said the old man slowly, “I would still be ninety-five years old, wouldn’t I?” 🙂
petergec
1 month ago
A miser hid his gold at the foot of a tree in his garden. Every week he would dig it up and look at it for hours. One day a thief dug up the gold and made off with it. When the miser next came to gaze upon his treasure all he found was an empty hole. The man began to howl with grief so his neighbours came running to find out what the trouble was. When they found out one of them asked, “Did you use any of the gold?” “No.” said the miser. “I only looked at it every week.” “Well, then.” said the ne
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petergec
1 month ago
Sudha Chandran, a contemporary classical Indian dancer, was cut off in the prime of her dancing career-quite literally, for her right leg had to be amputated. After she had been fitted with an artificial leg she went back to dancing arid, incredibly, made it right back to the top again. When asked how she had managed it, she said, quite simply, “You don’t need feet to dance.” 🙂
petergec
1 month ago
The Buddhist nun called Ryonen was born in the year 1779. The famous Japanese warrior, Shingen, was her grandfather. She was considered one of the loveliest women in the whole of Japan and a poetess of no mean talent, so already at the age of seventeen she was chosen to serve at the royal court where she developed a great fondness for Her Imperial Majesty the Empress. Now the Empress died a sudden death and Ryonen underwent a profound spiritual experience: she became acutely aware of the passing
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petergec
1 month ago
A priest walked into a pub indignant to find so many of his parishioners there. He rounded them up and shepherded them into the church. Then he solemnly said. “All those who want to go to heaven, step over here to the left.” Everyone stepped over except one man who stubbornly stood his ground. The priest looked at him fiercely and said. “Don’t you want to go to heaven?” “No.” said the man. “Do you mean to stand there and tell me you don’t want to go to heaven when you die?” “Of course I want to
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petergec
1 month ago
...for the one essential is lacking. According to an ancient Indian fable a mouse was in constant distress because of its fear of the cat. A magician took pity on it and turned it into a cat. But then it became afraid of the dog. So the magician turned it into a dog. Then it began to fear the panther. So the magician turned it into a panther. Whereupon it was full of fear of the hunter. At this point the magician gave up. He turned it into a mouse again saying. “Nothing I do for you is going to
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petergec
1 month ago
A man was so enamoured of fame he was ready to hang on a gibbet if that would get his name in the headlines. Is there really any difference between him and most business people and politicians? (Not to mention the rest of us who set such store by public opinion). 🙂
petergec
1 month ago
Have you heard of the man who accompanied Christopher Columbus on his expedition to the New World and kept worrying the whole time that he might not get back in time to succeed the old village tailor and someone eke might snatch the job? To succeed in the adventure called spirituality one must have one’s mind set on getting the most out of life. Most people settle for trifles like wealth, fame, comfort and human company. 🙂
petergec
1 month ago
In a little frontier town there was an old man who lived in the same house for fifty years. One day he surprised everyone by moving into the house next door. Reporters from the local papers descended on him to ask him why he had moved. “I guess it was the gypsy in me,” he replied with a self satisfied smile. 🙂
petergec
1 month ago
After thirty years of watching television, a husband said to his wife, “Let’s do something really-exciting tonight.” Instantly she conjured up visions of a night in town. “Great!” she said, “What shall we do?” “Well, let’s exchange chairs.” 🙂
petergec
1 month ago
...impostors many... A couple on their honeymoon were about to get into bed at their hotel when a masked burglar broke in. He drew a chalk circle on the floor, beckoned to the hus- band and said, “Stand there in that circle. If you step out of it I shall shoot you through the head.” While the husband stood there bolt upright, the burglar took everything he could lay his hands on threw it all into the sack and was about to get away when he saw the pretty bride covered in nothing more than a shee
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petergec
1 month ago
...true seekers are rare... When the king visited the monasteries of the great Zen Master Lin Chi he was astonished to learn that there were more than ten thousand monks living there with him. Wanting to know the exact number of the monks the king asked. “How many disciples do you have?” Lin Chi replied. “Four or Five at the very most.” 🙂
petergec
1 month ago
SPIRITUALITY Given the nature of the spiritual quest... A man came upon a tall tower and stepped inside to find it all dark. As he groped around he came upon a circular staircase. Curious to know where it led to he began to climb and, as he climbed, he sensed a growing uneasiness in his heart. So he looked behind him and was horrified to see that each time he climbed a step, the previous one fell off and disappeared. Before him the stairs wound upward and he had no idea where they led; behind
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petergec
1 month ago
In the old days it was common for people to use paper lanterns in Japan. The paper shielded a lit candle and was held together by bamboo sticks. A blind man happened to be visiting a friend and since it was late, was offered a lantern to take home with him. He laughed at the suggestion. “Day and night are all one to me,” he said. “What would I do with a lantern?” His friend said, “You do not need it to find your way home, true. But it might help to prevent someone from running into you in the da
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petergec
2 months ago
While the wheelwright was making a wheel at the lower end of the hall Prince Huan of Ch’i was reading a book at the upper end. Putting aside his chisel and mallet the wheelwright called to the Prince and asked him what book he was reading. “One that preserves the words of the Sages,” said the Prince. “Are those Sages alive?” asked the wheelwright. “Oh. no.” said the Prince “they are all dead.” “Then what you are reading can be nothing but the dirt and scum of bygone people,” said the wheelwrigh
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petergec
2 months ago
When an accident deprived the village headman of the use of his legs, he took to walking on crutches. He gradually developed the ability to move with speed-even to dance and execute little pirouettes for the entertainment of his neighbours. Then he took it into his head to train his children in the use of crutches. It soon became a status symbol in the village to walk on crutches and before long everyone was doing so. By the fourth generation no one in the village could walk without crutches. Th
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petergec
2 months ago
A disciple once said to Confucius, “What are the basic ingredients of good government?” He answered, “Food, weapons and the trust of the people.” “But,” continued the disciple, if you were forced to dispense with one of these three, which would you drop?” “Weapons.” “And if you had to drop one of the other two?” “Food.” “But without food the people will die!” “From time immemorial, death has been the lot of human beings. But a people that no longer trusts its rulers is lost indeed.”
petergec
2 months ago
A group of college students was dissatisfied with the poor quality of the beer that the cafeteria served them. Some of them got the bright idea of pouring some in a bottle and sending it to a hospital laboratory in the hope of finding out what was in the beer. The following day they received a note that said, “Your horse is suffering from jaundice.”
petergec
2 months ago
The dangers of trusting the expert: A man received a note from a friend written in an illegible hand. After struggling to make sense out of it he finally hit upon the idea of enlisting the help of the local druggist. The man at the drug store looked hard at the note for a whole minute, then took a large brown bottle from the shelf, placed it on the counter and said, “That will be two dollars, please!” 🙂
petergec
2 months ago
A great painter asked a doctor friend to come and look at what he thought was his finest creation. The doctor subjected the painting to a thorough examination, taking his time over every detail. Ten minutes passed and the artist became somewhat apprehensive. “Well, what do you think?” he asked. The doctor said, “It appears to be double pneumonia.”
petergec
2 months ago
A centipede consulted an owl about the pain it felt in its legs. Said the owl, “You have far too many legs! If you became a mouse you would have only four legs-and one-twenty-fourth the amount of pain.” “That’s a very good idea,” said the centipede. “Now show me how to become a mouse.” “Don’t bother me with details of implementation,” said the owl. “I only make the policy in this place.”
petergec
2 months ago
Somewhere in the 1930s a manufacturing concern in the U.S. sent a machine to Japan. A month later the company received a cable: MACHINE DOES NOT WORK. SEND MAN TO FIX. The company sent someone to Japan. Before he had the opportunity to examine the machine, the company received a second cable: MAN TOO YOUNG, SEND OLDER MAN. The company’s reply was: BETTER USE HIM. HE INVENTED MACHINE. 🙂
petergec
2 months ago
A large truck was moving through a railway underpass when it got wedged in between the road and the girders overhead. All the efforts of experts to extricate it proved useless and traffic was stalled for miles on both sides of the underpass. A little boy kept trying to get the attention of the foreman but was always pushed away. Finally, in sheer exasperation, the foreman said, “I suppose you’ve come to tell us how to do this job?” “Yes,” said the kid. “I suggest you let some air out of the tyre
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petergec
2 months ago
A woman once came to Rabbi Israel and told him her secret sorrow; she had been married twenty years and had still not borne a son. “What a coincidence!” said the Rabbi. “It was exactly thus with my mother.” And this is the story he told her: For twenty years his mother had no child. One day she heard that the holy Bal Shem Tov was in town so she hurried to the house he was in and begged him to pray that she might have a son. “What are you willing to do about it?” the holy man asked. “What can I
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petergec
2 months ago
There was once a Rabbi who was revered by the people as a man of God. Not a day went by when a crowd of people wasn’t standing at his door seeking advice or healing or the holy man’s blessing. And each time the Rabbi spoke the people would hang on his lips, drinking in his every word. There was, however, in the audience a disagreeable fellow who never missed a chance to contradict the Master. He would observe the Rabbi’s weaknesses and make fun of his defects to the dismay of the disciples who b
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petergec
2 months ago
A recruit was assigned to guard the entrance to the army camp and was given instructions to let no car pass if it did not have a special pennant. He had occasion to stop a car bearing a General who promptly told his driver to disregard the sentry and drive on. Whereupon the recruit stepped forward, rifle at the ready, and calmly said, “Pardon me, sir, but I’m new to this. Whom do I shoot? You, sir, or the driver?” You achieve greatness when you are oblivious of the dignify of those above you, a
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petergec
2 months ago
To please an official Abraham Lincoln once signed an order transferring certain regiments. Secretary of War Stanton, convinced that the President had made a serious mistake, refused to carry out the order. And for good measure he added “Lincoln is a fool!” When this was reported to Lincoln he said, “If Stanton said I am a fool then I must be one, for he is almost always right. I think I’ll step over and see for myself.” That is exactly what he did. Stanton convinced him that the order was a mist
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petergec
2 months ago
A friend once told the manager of an orchestra that he would love to have a position in the orchestra. Said the manager, “I had no idea you could play an instrument,” “I can’t,” was the reply. “But I see you have a man there who does nothing but wave a stick around while the others play. I think I could handle his job.” 🙂
petergec
2 months ago
A rich man decided to fulfil a life-long dream of leading an orchestra. So he hired one drummer, three saxophonists and twenty-four violinists. At their first rehearsal he conducted so badly that the drummer invited the other musicians to leave with him. But one of the saxophonists said, “Why leave? He’s paying us well. Besides, he must know something about music.” At the next rehearsal the conductor just couldn’t keep time. Where upon the drummer started to beat his drums furiously. The conduct
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petergec
2 months ago
A young author once told Mark Twain that he was losing confidence in his ability to write. “Did you ever get that feeling yourself?” he asked. “Yes,” said Twain. “Once, after I had been writing for nearly fifteen years, it suddenly struck me that I did not possess the slightest talent for writing.” “What did you do then? Did you give up writing?” “How could I? By then I was already famous.” 🙂
petergec
2 months ago
The doctor decided that the time had come to tell his patient the truth: “I feel I should tell you that you are a very sick man and are not likely to live for more than another two days at the most. You may want to settle your affairs. Is there anyone you desire to see?” “Yes,” came the answer in a feeble voice. “Who is it?” asked the doctor. “Another doctor.” 🙂
petergec
2 months ago
Going by reports he had heard of him, the Caliph appointed Nasruddin Chief Advisor at the court. Since his authority derived, not from competence, but from the patronage of the Caliph, Nasruddin became a danger to all who came to consult him as became evident in the following case: “Nasruddin, you are a man of experience,” said a courtier. “Do you know of a cure for aching eyes? I’m having a lot of trouble with mine.” “Let me share my own experience with you,” said Nasruddin. “I once had a tooth
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petergec
2 months ago
Owing to a variety of circumstances, the egg of an eagle found its way to a corner of the barn where a hen was hatching her eggs. In time the little eaglet was hatched with the other chickens. Now as time passed the fledging, quite unaccountably, began to experience a longing to fly. So it would say to its mother, the hen, “When shall I learn to fly?” The poor hen was quite aware of the fact that she could not fly and hadn’t the slightest notion of what other birds did to train their fledglings
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petergec
2 months ago
It was the birthday of the parish priest and the children had come with their birthday greetings and gifts. Father took the gift-wrapped parcel from little Mary and said, “Ah! I see you have brought me a book.” (Mary’s father ran a bookstore in town) “Yes, how did you know?” “Father always knows!” “And you, Tommy, have brought me a sweater,” said Father picking up the parcel Tommy held out to him. (Tommy’s father was a dealer in woollen goods). “That’s right. How did you know?” “Ah! Father alway
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petergec
2 months ago
The doctor carefully examined a patient and said, “You have had an attack of pneumonia. You are some sort of a musician, aren’t you?” “Yes,” said the man surprised. “And you play a wind instrument.” “That’s right. How did you know?” “Elementary, my dear fellow! There is a distinct straining of the lungs and the larynx is inflamed, undoubtedly because of severe pressure. Tell me, what instrument do you play?” “The accordion.” The hazards of infallibility! 🙂
petergec
2 months ago
A young scientist was boasting in the presence of a Guru, of the achievements of modern science. “We can fly, just like the birds,” he was saying. “We can do what the birds can do!” “Except sit on a barbed wire fence,” said the Guru. 🙂
petergec
2 months ago
An ancient king in India sentenced a man to death. The man begged that the sentence be condoned, and added, “If the king will be merciful and spare my life, I shall teach his horse to fly in a year’s time.” “Done,” said the king. “But if at the end of this period the horse cannot fly, you will be executed.” When his anxious family later asked the man how he planned to achieve this, he said, “In the course of the year the king may die. Or the horse may die, or who knows, the Horse may learn to fl
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petergec
2 months ago
Many years ago a bishop on the east coast of the United States paid a visit to a small religious College on the west coast. He was lodged in the home of the college president who was a progressive young man, a professor of physics and chemistry. The president one day invited the members of his faculty to dinner with the bishop so they could benefit from his wisdom and experience. After dinner the talk turned to the millennium and the bishop claimed that it could not be far off. One of the reason
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petergec
2 months ago
The radio genius Marconi, sat up all night with a friend in his laboratory discussing all the intricate aspects of wireless communication. As they were leaving the laboratory Marconi suddenly said. “All my life I have been studying this matter but there is one thing I simply cannot understand about radio “ “Something you do not understand about radio!’ said the astonished friend. “What is it?” Said Marconi, “Why does it work?” 🙂
petergec
2 months ago
A priest’s daughter asked him where he got the ideas for his sermons. “From God.” he replied. “Then why do I see you scratching things out?” asked the girl. 🙂
petergec
2 months ago
Marshal Ferdinand Foch was Commander of the Allied Forces during the First World War. His chauffeur, Pierre, was sedulously cultivated by newspaper reporters who hoped to get information on what was going on in the Marshal’s mind. They were always asking him when the war would get over. But Pierre would never say. One day the reporters caught Pierre just as he was leaving headquarters. As they crowded around him the chauffeur said; “Today the Marshal spoke.” “What did he say?” they asked eagerly
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petergec
2 months ago
Tall man in movie theatre to little boy sitting behind him: “Can you see the screen, son?” “No.” “Not to worry. Just look at me and laugh every time I laugh.” 🙂
petergec
2 months ago
Buddha says, “Monks and scholars should not accept my words out of respect but should analyse them as a goldsmith analyses gold by cutting, melting, scraping and rubbing it.” 🙂
petergec
2 months ago
The crown prince was a duffer so the king employed a special tutor for him. Lessons began with a careful explanation of Euclid’s first theorem. “Is this clear, your Royal Highness?” asked the tutor. “No.” said his Royal Highness. So the tutor patiently went over the theorem again. “Is it clear now?” “No.” said the prince. Once again the tutor went to work on the theorem-with no effect. When even after the tenth attempt the royal duffer could make no sense of the theorem the poor tutor was reduce
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petergec
3 months ago
A neighbour came to borrow Nasruddin’s donkey. “It’s out on loan.” said Nasruddin. At that moment the animal began to bray from within its stable. “But I can hear it bray.” said the neighbour. “So whom are you going to believe, the donkey or me?” 🙂
petergec
3 months ago
Belief in authority endangers perception: The doctor bent over the lifeless figure in bed. Then he straightened up and said, “I am sorry to say that your husband is no more, my dear.” A feeble sound of protest came from the lifeless figure in bed: “No, I’m still alive.” “Hold your tongue.” said the woman. “The doctor knows better than you.” 🙂
petergec
3 months ago
“Could you recommend a good doctor?” “I suggest Dr. Chung. He saved my life.” “How did that happen?” “Well. I had this serious illness and went to see Dr. Ching. I took his medicine and felt worse. So I went to Dr. Chang. I took his medicine and felt I was dying. So I finally went to Dr. Chung-and he wasn’t in.” 🙂
petergec
3 months ago
“Thank God we took a mule with us on the picnic because when one of the boys was injured we used the mule to carry him back.” “How did he get injured?” “The mule kicked him!” 🙂
petergec
3 months ago
The woman was afflicted with a bad cold and nothing the doctor prescribed seemed to give her any relief. “Can you do nothing to cure me, Doctor?” she asked in frustration. “I have a suggestion,” said the doctor. “Go home and have a hot shower, then, before drying yourself, stand stark naked in a draught.” “Will that cure me?” she asked, surprised. “No, but it will give you pneumonia. And that I can cure.” Has it ever occurred to you that your guru might be offering you the remedy for art illness
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petergec
3 months ago
AUTHORITY A tale from the Calcutta mystic, Ramakrishna; There was a king who used to have the Bhagavad Gita recited to him every day by a priest. The priest would then explain the text and say, “O King, have you understood what I have said?” And every day the king would neither say Yes or No. He would only say. “You had better understand it first yourself.” This always caused sorrow to the poor priest who had spent hours preparing the daily lesson for the king and knew that his explanation wa
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petergec
3 months ago
There was a question of opening a reformatory for boys and a well-known educationist was called in for advice. He made a passionate plea for humane methods of education at the reformatory, urging the founders to spare no expense in getting the services of kind-hearted and competent educators. He concluded by saying. “If only one boy is saved from moral depravity, it will justify all the cost and labour invested in an institution like this.” Later a member of the board said to him. “Didn’t you ge
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petergec
3 months ago
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petergec
3 months ago
There was a question of opening a reformatory for boys and a well-known educationist was called in for advice. He made a passionate plea for humane methods of education at the reformatory, urging the founders to spare no expense in getting the services of kind-hearted and competent educators. He concluded by saying. “If only one boy is saved from moral depravity, it will justify all the cost and labour invested in an institution like this.” Later a member of the board said to him. “Didn’t you ge
[more]
petergec
3 months ago
The Master at the school for archery was known to be a Master of Life just as much as of archery. One day his brightest pupil scored three bull’s eyes in a row at a local contest. Everyone went wild with applause. Congratulations poured in for pupil-and Master. The Master, however, seemed unimpressed. Even critical. When the pupil later asked him why, he said, “You have yet to learn that the target is not the target.” “What IS the target?” the pupil demanded to know. But the Master would not say
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petergec
3 months ago
Little girl at fruit store with a banana peel in her hand: “What is it you want, darling?” said the vendor. “A refill.” was the reply. 🙂
petergec
3 months ago
A little boy was in a village, away from the big city for the first time in his life. He was standing on the sidewalk when an old man drove up in a horse cart and went into a shop. The boy kept gazing in wonder at the horse, an animal he had never seen in his life. When the old man came out of the shop and was preparing to drive away, the kid said, “Hey, mister! Maybe I ought to warn you that he just lost his petrol?” 🙂
petergec
3 months ago
The modern child: A man wanted to foster a love for music in his children so he bought them a piano. When he got home he found them contemplating the piano in puzzlement. “How,” they asked, “do you plug it in?” 🙂
petergec
3 months ago
Parents: “Why is it that though Johnny is younger than you his marks at school are always better?” Seven-year-old: “Because Johnny’s parents are clever.” 🙂
petergec
3 months ago
A despairing couple sent urgently for the child psychologist because they just did not know what to do with their little son who had installed himself on the rocking horse of a neighbouring kid and refused to get off. He had three rocking horses of his own at home, but he was adamant that the one he wanted to sit on was THIS one. Attempts to drag him away led to such howls and shrieks that he was put right back on the horse. The psychologist first settled the matter of his fee, then walked up t
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petergec
3 months ago
Nasruddin handed a boy a pitcher and told him to go fetch water from the well. Before the kid set out, however, he clouted him on the ear and shouted. “Mind you don’t drop it!” An onlooker said, “How can you strike a poor child before he has done anything wrong?” Said Nasruddin, “I suppose you would prefer me to strike him AFTER he has broken the pitcher when both the pitcher and the water are lost? When I clout him he remembers and so the pot and the water are both saved.” 🙂
petergec
3 months ago
A little boy running down the street turned a corner suddenly and collided with a man. “My goodness!” said the man. “Where are you off to in such a hurry?” “Home.” said the lad. “And I’m in a hurry because my mother is going to spank me.” “Are you so eager to be spanked that you are running home for it?” asked the astonished stranger. “No. But if father gets home before me he will do the spanking.” Children are mirrors. When they are in the presence of love, that’s what they reflect. When lone
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